by Jim Siergey and James Finn Garner
Q’s for Quintana
Who’s played for both squads
And won nothing with either.
Oh, what are the odds?
R is for Ricky
Sox’ skip Renteria
With that huge boot from the Cubs
He could open a zapateria.
S is for Schwarber
Who can give balls a poke
Though his play in left field
Can give fans a stroke.
T is for television
You can watch from your chair
Unless it’s the Cubs
Then you tithe to Sinclair.
U is for Umpires
Who once had the last say
But now get overruled
By Instant Replay.
V is for Victor
Last name Caratini
He looks good anywhere
except in a bikini
W is for Wrigley
Where the Cub diehards cheer,
While the name of the Sox park
Depends on the year.
X is ex-Cub Factor
Which Royko well covered.
Don’t argue about it–
It’s just science, brother.
Y is for Yu
Want some pitches? Try six!
While batters feel like
They hold popsicle sticks.
Z is the Zzzzzs
Caught during a game.
Shutdown or no,
This stays roughly the same.
