Do Androids Dream of Electronic Umpiring?

by Jim Siergey

With apologies to Philip K. Dick

Do androids dream of electronic umpiring?
Do they wish to call a pitch
Outside or over the dish?
Do they long and pray
To judge a close play?
Is their target to eject
One who will object
To how they call a play
With a disintegrating ray?
Is this to what androids are aspiring?

 

MLB All-Sitting Team

by Jim Siergey

1B   Marv Throneberry
2B   Chaise Lounge Utley
SS   Butts Wagner
3B   Jim Davenport

OF   Billy Beanebag
OF   Mel Ottoman
OF   Chesterfield Emerson

C    Johnny Bench

P    Johnny Couch, Tom Seats, Carl Sitton, Jim Stoops

MGR   Hank O’Daybed or Heinie Groh