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Stat Nauseam

by Michael X. Ferraro

Howie Kendrick just became the first
player in MLB history
to break up shutouts of seven runs
or more in two consecutive games,
but the Phillies still stink and so do
stats like this one, which may or may not
be true.

 

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Facts of Whiff

By Michael X. Ferraro

Poor “Country” Joe West seems to be in a daze–
He spent Sunday night punching 48 K’s.

Over 18 innings, the swings and misses
Multiplied at Wrigley like Kiss-Cam kisses.

Twenty-two Yankees and 26 more Cubs
Trudged back to their bench, dragging unsullied clubs.

For the home plate ump, ’twas a six-hour shift,
A front-row seat to see sluggers get whiffed.

Schwarber and Bryant and Rizzo and Russell,
Each fanned thrice apiece, with nary a tussle,

But there was one Yank who took more fruitless licks:
A Golden Sombrero went to Aaron Hicks.

Two separate relievers each struck out the side.
Were both line-ups allergic to the horsehide?

Fifteen different pitchers in all took the mound,
And each hurler’s heart was warmed by the sound

Of the man in blue bellowing “Steee-rike Three,”
Setting a new record for the MLB.