by Stephen Jones
Nestor Cortes is Nasty
Even though
His high heat is barely ninety
Instead
He pitches with guile
And a mustache of style
And shows batters
He is no oddity
Fix the Ball
by Stephen Jones
When basketball players complained
About the ball, the NBA fixed it.
When hockey players complained
About the puck, the NHL fixed it.
But when baseball players complained
About the ball, MLB … well, it didn’t fix it.
Instead, seemingly clueless, MLB has allowed
Three different balls — one, Matt Scherzer
Has said, as hard as a cue ball — and has
No intention of fixing the problem, even though
Getting hit by a pitch this year is on
Average at an all-time league high.
Away! Away!
by Stephen Jones
Away all teams,
Dugouts filled with lumber and hide;
Away all teams,
As captains cry “Let it ride!”
It’s Opening Day,
As dreams and teams set sail.
Ready. Set. Baseball.
by Stephen Jones
Just days ago I had gone
To the natural history museum:
To see if MLB’s remains —
Like the dinosaurs —
Were now on display
But while looking for fossils
Of owners, players, and …
And, oh look, that’s Rob Manfred …
I gratefully learned from a guide
That the toxic asteroid —
Like the one so long ago
That sealed the dinosaurs’ fate —
Had been averted, and now
The only display of note was
The species named “Universal D.H.”
Houston Brings Winter to Boston, Win ALCS
by Stephen Jones
A weatherman on Beantown TV
Described it this way:
“You start here,” a flat hand
measuring height in the air.
“This is chilly. Okay?
Then you drop it to here.
This is freezing,
Just thirty-two degrees.”
He went on: “But it gets colder,
Down here…”
He ducked below the camera eye.
“… Is zero, and it’s so cold …
You freeze fruit and it shatters.
But there’s one more level …”
He looked the camera in the eye.
“… Colder still: Red Sox hitting.”
