Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Matheny hoped for damage control
As each reliever dug a hole.
Choate was awful, Maness ehh,
Rosenthal wild, Martinez bleh.
Who is left to call on, then?
Wacha’s down there, in the pen…
He hasn’t pitched for several weeks,
But nothing’s left that doesn’t leak.
See one problem, cause another–
That’s how bullpens work, my brother.
How to fix this bullpen bleed?
Get a bigger lead.
Poor C.J. Wilson.
It’s now a matter of “What if…”
After his bad outing,
It’s the Angels’ OFF-season of the whiff.
Could be the end of an era
For the boys in the Old English D,
Max, V-Mart, and Torii may go,
But they’re stuck with Ausmus
And a bad bench and bullpen
Unfortunately.
These Pirates played with spirit,
Didn’t fear it,
Threw inside,
Didn’t hide,
Played like a team.
Up-the-middle guys made a difference,
And good defense,
But last night they didn’t pitch or hit
For shit.
So endeth the dream.
The F***in’ A’s are history.
How did this thing come to be?!?
A four-run lead in the eighth
And a rested bullpen at the ready.
Sometimes, teams just fall apart.
The Royals showed a lot of heart,
And came back over and over again
After Lester’s gutsy start.
What does it mean for Billy Beane?
His free-agent pitchers will leave the scene,
The farm system decimated,
Times might get pretty lean.
So let’s salute these crazy A’s,
In these darkening Autumn days,
Their brand of insanity so much a part
Of the Bay Area’s humid summer haze.
Reddick and Crisp, Fuld and Gomes,
Brought joy to so many Oakland homes,
Lester, Donaldson, Doolittle, Vogt,
Their season stolen by base-thieving gnomes.