Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
From the Cincinnati Times-Star, 1937, on announcer Red Barber’s consistent hawking of Wheaties cereal:
Red Barber has charm and he shows it,
And over the air he sure throws it–
But with all his entreaties
To munch those damned Wheaties
He eats ham and eggs and he knows it!
As of now, it’s later, but not never.
As of tomorrow, will it be soon, if ever?
Last week, it was yes, then maybe…
For dinner, who’d get the gravy?
But now, knives are sheathed,
A 60-game season bequeathed–
For now.
But even if there’s no game
Because of this global virus,
It’s nice that players and owners
Aren’t snarling and fighting like Tyrus.
It can take a lifetime
To control your gift:
A paintbrush, a mind, a fastball.
(Long after the attention fades,
You go on.
And on, and on,
Working your way through the jungle
With a butter knife,
Trying to figure out why the hell you’re here.)
Even at the top,
There are peaks to scale,
Before spring to past fall.
But once you’ve laid down the tools,
You can sigh and smile
Until last call.
Former White Sox pitcher, scout Bart Johnson Dies–Chicago Tribune
Nellie started with the Mets, but never raised the roof.
Some said he had power, but he never showed much proof.
Next, Nellie played for Oakland, but he couldn’t get a chance.
Nellie went up north, but Milwaukee didn’t dance.
So Nellie went to Dallas, and did well in Triple-A,
And showed that he could hit enough to hang around and play!
Five years in Seattle, and one more with the Birds,
A six-time All-Star, a homer crown, biceps too strong for words.
Now he’s simply Boomstick, a respected veteran bat,
And the Twins are happy with that.
A voice, clear-channel, fills the Midwestern night
As a teenager listens in bed.
Pete, Doggie, Griffey, Little Joe,
“And this one belongs to the Reds!”
The young man, driving back from work,
World Series dreams in his head.
Soto, Rijo, Sabo, Larkin,
“And this one belongs to the Reds!”
The Reds collapsed, immortals gone,
Votto and Gray in their stead.
Nearly 50 years on, Marty is gone. . .
This one belonged to the Reds.
