Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by Stu Shea
What’s in a Name?
Elijah Dukes will use his fists,
Delmon Young has room to grow.
James Shields gives protection to his team.
Jorge Cantu just can’t play,
And Jae Ryu’s goose is Kuked,
While Carlos’ twinge of Pena makes him scream.
But nothing Maddons a manager more
Than giving up a five-run lead,
Burning a bullpen
That sucks indeed.
Posted after the Rays gave up six runs in the bottom of the ninth to lose to the Blue Jays, 12-11, on June 5.
by Stu Shea
I.
Is there anyone Tiger fans are fonder than
Than Jeremy Bonderman?
Can any Bengal take the ball to left field
Better than Sheffield?
And who’s their best hitter? Everyone says
It’s Mags Ordonez.
Is any pitcher more likely to zoom the ball by ya
Than Joel Zumaya?
II.
But can anyone’s batting average make fans cringe
More than Brandon Inge?
by James Finn Garner and Stu Shea
Bud Selig won’t say if he’ll go
When Bonds has his really big show
And sets the new mark
For hits out of the park,
‘Cuz the commish ain’t a man to eat crow.
by Stu Shea
There once was a guy down the pike
Who was blacker than Andy Van Slyke.
He hits like Babe Ruth,
But to tell you the truth,
There’s little ’bout Barry to like.
by Stu Shea
Throw a Penny at a team,
And count the strikeouts.
Throw a Penny on the hill,
And watch the psych-out.
Other teams with payrolls high
Cannot hit this Dodgers guy
Sometimes talent stands alone!
This penny beats a million bones.