Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by Stu Shea
Some folks take a pill for relief,
But Piniella’s relief
Makes him feel like a pill.
When Howry and Eyre let it loose,
Sweet Lou turns chartreuse
When he looks toward the hill.
It’s just a bad Ohman to see
The rookie, Cherry,
Looking in for the sign.
They’re going from bad to Wuertz,
And watching them hurts
With the game on the line.
By Stu Shea
The high seas ain’t what they used to be.
We used to have Willie,
And Bobby Clemente,
And Bobby Bo, Andy, Jim Leyland, and Barry.
Now we have Nady,
And Tom Gorzelanny.
While it isn’t the same
As winning a game
From towheaded, cute little leaguers,
To shut down a team
That’s no hitting machine
Remains low on the “difficult” meter.
But no-hit affairs
Are still fairly rare
Particularly in this age
So even the Rangers
Who mostly are strangers
Pose putative threats in the cage.
In Mark Buehrle’s big scene
Back on April 18
At windy, chilly U.S. Cell
He flattened out Texas
Like they were his breakfast
Or apples for William Tell.
Ex-Cubs Sosa, Hairston,
And Lofton had no fun
Against Buehrle’s changing of speeds,
And obscuros like Kata,
Cruz, Laird, and the remainda
Dropped no base hits into the weeds.
So Buehrle was fitter.
He got his no-hitter
The AL’s first since Derek Lowe’s,
Bringing him validation
Across our great nation
In expanded post-game highlight shows.