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‘23 is the New ‘69

by Greg Simetz

A Billy goat, black cat, and Bartman with headphones–
Just a few novel ways which Cubs’ seasons have been blown.
Add the Babe’s called shot to the centerfield stands
And a Gatorade glove on Leon Durham’s right hand.

Then in 2016 Cubs’ curses got squished,
108 years of agony all mercifully vanquished.
But curses! A new scourge unleashed in late ‘23
Thwarted hot pursuit of wild-card playoff glory.

Blown saves and gaffes and bats that went dry,
Then Seiya Suzuki misjudged a routine high fly.
(One solution to the team’s most recent imbroglio:
Trade Suzuki to the Cards for pitcher Ernie Broglio.)

So another year ends with a historic choke job,
A lousy ‘69 rerun, where again fans got robbed.
The looney toons finish was just one more sad joke.
What else can be said but, “Th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!”

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End of Season at the MLB Tavern

by Stephen Jones

I was waiting at the bar for a playoff date
And looked at my watch. It’s getting late.
Then I heard the emphatic bartender,
With his fist pump, mask, and chest protector,
Announce to the lingering, glassy patrons:
“It’s last call. Closing time,” he intones
As he wipes the bar, satisfied with himself,
And begins putting teams on the postseason shelf —
Brands like Atlanta, Los Angeles, Baltimore, Tampa
(and just maybe Seattle, Chicago, or Philadelphia) —
And as he does, he continues to drone:
“It’s hotel-motel time if you can’t go home,
But right now, you can’t stay here —
And hey, better luck when we open next year.”

Pictured is Baseball Bill Holdforth, bartender and rabid DC baseball fan. For the story of how he worked to keep owner Bob Short out of the US Senate, check out this story from washingtonbaseballhistory.com.

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Even Sadder

by Mikhail Horowitz

These are the saddest of possible words:
Steinfeldt to Evers to Chance.
Trio of bear cubs fleeter than birds,
Steinfeldt to Evers to Chance.

One of them nearly completely forgotten,
Simply because of a name that was not in
Accordance with metrical elegance — rotten!
Steinfeldt to Evers to Chance.

Mikhail Horowitz is an American poet, performance poet, parodist, satirist, social commentator, author and editor. He lives in the Hudson River valley.

 

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Topple Heavy

by Hilary Barta

Dave Kingman would give it his all
Each powerful swing at the ball
But, missing, he’d spin
And, to his chagrin
Would teeter off balance and fall.

Illustration by Jim Siergey

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An Ode To Harry

by Rick Kaempfer

The poem by Franklin P. Adams definitely enhanced
The Hall of Fame chances of Tinker, Evers & Chance,
But the other name in that infield has been lost to time
Just because Harry Steinfeldt’s name didn’t rhyme.

He hit for more power, he drove in more runs,
He made fewer errors, and when the game was to be won,
They leaned on Harry Steinfeldt, the World Series MVP,
Though his name was a mouthful, depriving immortality.

Reprinted from Rick’s book, EveryCubEver (2nd edition, Eckhartz Press).