Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Marcus Stroman
Knows his history, Greek and Roman.
To pass the time on the team bus
He’ll recite passages from “I, Claudius.”
Luis Arraez
Can do that thing with his eyes
Where he looks to the left, then
Moves the left eye alone to the center again.
Brent Rooker
Has nothing against hookers.
Time will tell if he still plays
For the Las Vegas A’s.
Josh Hader
Loves to play Space Invaders,
Galaxian, Centipede, Donkey Kong
And even Pong.
I’m not veddy sure what will come
of the Cubs-Cards games in Albion.
It might be a “Pick to Click,” it
Might be a sticky wicket,
Or a hologram of a singing Queen Mum.
Marcus Stroman
Shows what it means to be human
Donated $$$ for those gay and trans–
In the end, a fan is a fan.
You just can’t do it.
Sometimes hitters can
pick up differences in spin.
They can identify pitches
if there are different
release points
or
if a curveball starts
with an upward hump
as it leaves a pitcher’s hand.
But if a pitcher can
change speeds,
every hitter is
helpless,
limited by human vision.
Except for that (expletive) Tony Gwynn.
