Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Per ’70s star Johnny Bench:
Bryce Harper makes my fists clench.
Bat-flipping is naught but a stench.
Batters guilty best stand in a trench
Lest chin music make their necks wrench
And cause the game’s great fans to blench.
To be “old school”, he said, makes a mensch,
Then belched and goosed his serving wench.
When promoting men, Napoleon stuck
With this principle, “I look for luck.”
He would not buck the odds
And offend Baseball Gods
Shutting down Strasburg like a dumb schmuck.
Nats seem clueless and snake bit to me
Since the Strasburg Shut-Down travesty;
‘Fourteen’s Playoff Game Two:
Belt’s home run “lucky,” too;
Papelbon trade upset chemistry.
Dusty Baker will manage D.C.
Buddy’s tenure with Nats not to be;
Did Nats react to claim,
That “Black” in Bud’s last name,
Ain’t what league meant by diversity?
Seems like Dusty’s a bit snake bit, too,
Since Jints Series Game Six in ‘Ought Two,
His Cubs sure got jiggley
Post-Bartman in Wrigley,
Posey’s Granny bid his Reds adieu . . .
Months after our softball season’s through,
Pitcher our team beat still had no clue.
“Schedule and your team suck,
Only beat us by luck!”
“Yeah, we’re lucky we were playing you.”
For sons Edinson, Bobo and Mort
Volquez started Royals’ World Series play
After learning Dad just passed away.
Just like Cards’ Cooper knew,
And Bengals’ Bobo, too,
Back in forties; each team won that day.
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The Royals’ Edinson Volquez threw the first pitch of the 2015 Series yesterday, having learned on the way to the park that his father had died earlier that day. He pitched six innings with no decision, though his team won in the 14th.
In the 1940 World Series, Detroit Tiger Bobo Newsom shut out the Reds in Game 1 with his father in attendance. After the game, his father died. He dedicated his victorious Game Five start to his dad. Asked to also win Game Seven for his Old Man, he replied, “I think I’ll win this one for Old Bobo,” but lost 2-1.
Three years later, the Cardinals’ Mort Cooper learned his father died a few hours before his Game Two start against the Yankees. Pitching to his brother Walker, he won the Cards’ only game in the 1943 World Series.
“I’m afraid it’s so,” said Shoeless Joe.
Lost confession? Though cleared, Judge said “So?”
“As a player, didn’t bet,”
Pete Rose still claiming, yet
Baseball says, “Hall of Fame: Like Joe, ‘No!'”
Despite new evidence, some still claim,
“Say Pete gambled; so what? Why still blame?
Hall of Fame? Rose should go!”
I say, “First Shoeless Joe.
Be far better for ‘Good of the Game.'”
The right-field bleacher seats at Wrigley,
A part of stadium renovation, are open
And no longer “under construction”.
Dexter Fowler anointed them,
A solo home-run blessing in the third,
As the Cubs’ won 6-3 over the Reds.