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In Other Retirement News: Konerko

by James Finn Garner

Helping keep South Side baseball alive
Manning the rudder in 2005
Plus a grand salami that wasn’t no jive
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

Hard to see him as a Dodger or Red
No froth of praise ever clouded his head
Didn’t spout any line and meant what he said
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

To the up-and-comers a mentor and sensei
His swing and his fielding held nothing fancy
For all of this century, the right side wasn’t chancy
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

 

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Devin-May-Care

By Stu Shea

Plays for the Reds
And not Morocco
Does Devin Mesoraco.

Has he driven a Hummer
Or just a Scirocco?
Ask Devin Mesoraco.

With a bat in his hands
Imitates Johnny Socko
Does Devin Mesoraco.

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National League Central 2014 Spring Training Haiku

by Stuart Shea

BREWERS
Forecast for ’14?
Lots of Braun but little brain.
Enjoy fourth place, guys.

CARDINALS
Yadier Molina—
Buster Posey before the
new Buster Posey.

CUBS
Huh. “Wait til next year”
From a franchise managed by
Weekly profit/loss.

PIRATES
There’s one more Hurdle:
Convert iron not to steel
But to a trophy.

REDS
Time for a Price change—
It was getting Dusty there.
Maybe they’ll win now.

 

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There is No Joy in Bro-hio

by James Finn Garner

There is no joy in Bro-hio
As Tribe and Reds are shown the door.
Both teams vying for the Wild Card
But reality hit ’em good and hard.
The Rays, always, a resourceful crew,
And Pittsburgh, you must admit, is due.

An I-71 Series is just a dream
If Dusty Baker helms your team.
With Nick Swisher on the roster,
October glory is hard to foster.
Next March it all begins anew
When balls start smacking into Chin-Soo Choo.