by Doug White
Walt and Bobby sitting in a tree,
S-I-G-N-I-N-G !
First came Corey,
Then came Willy,
Now there’s no hope of catching Philly
(or anybody else in the wild card race …)
Posted 3/5/09
J.P. Ricciardi, Toronto’s Pencil-Pushing Party
By Stuart Shea
I.
J.P. Ricciardi, Toronto’s pencil-pushing party,
has a big, big, big, big, mouth.
Adam Dunn’s a hitter (tho J.P. sez he’s a quitter)
And he’s happy hacking homers in the south.
When Ricciardi, on the radio, dissed Dunn to Blue Jay nation,
It came without a thorough explanation.
Canadian guys, from B.C. to P.E.I,
Said, “J.P. must have skipped his medication!”
II.
Now J.P. says the two have talked it all over–
But Dunn says it just isn’t so.
The Jays fired their skipper, but look out, J. The Ripper–
You might be the next one to go.
Posted 6/30/08
2008 NATIONAL LEAGUE THREE-LINE PREVIEWS
By Stuart Shea
ATLANTA
Clean Living,
A Fast Outfield,
And a Chipper Jones.
(With apologies to Vernon “Lefty” Gomez)
ARIZONA
Upton can play,
And he’ll need to, no doubt,
If Eric Byrnes out.
CHICAGO
Sweet Lou wants it understood,
That the newbies—Pie, Soto, and Fukudome—will be good
(Knock on Wood).
CINCINNATI
Votto, Bruce, and Bailey make the Redlegs’ future bright.
But with Dusty in the drivers’ seat,
The Kids Aren’t Alright.
COLORADO
While the defending champs get little respect
And their city’s baseball pedigree is suspect
The Rockies are deep—and better than you’d expect.
FLORIDA
A rotation thinner than loose-leaf paper
And one, maybe two, good hitters to savor?
This could get Uggly.
HOUSTON
They need a Pitching ComeBacke.
A NewBourn Attack…
And Hot Towles!
LOS ANGELES
Many pitchers with questions,
Position player congestion–
By now, one hopes Joe Torre has a remedy for indigestion.
MILWAUKEE
Hardy-Harted Men,
Princes with Braun and wise Counsell,
Just need clean Sheets.
NEW YORK
Health to go with wealth.
Johan and Pedro (not Feliciano)
And, apparently, an Angel in the outfield.
PHILADELPHIA
Rollins, Howard, Utley, Burrell, and Feliz
Will give the Phillies plenty of pow.
But can they hit more homers than their pitchers allow?
PITTSBURGH
Steve will Pearce the outfield soon,
With Nady gone by June,
And Jason up on eBay.
ST. LOUIS
Such teams with little hope need luck,
Albert,
And divine intervention.
SAN DIEGO
An outfield and infield of maybes
Could make Padres’ pitchers sick,
But Buddy Black don’t give a Fick.
SAN FRANCISCO
So the post-Bonds era begins,
And no one expects many wins.
Thank God for the Garlic Fries.
A WASHINGTON HAIKU
Two fat first basemen
Could sink their park into the
Anacostia.
Posted 4/2/08
The Mighty Big Klu
by Caleb Wiley
Big Klu and his guns struck fear
In opponents both far and near.
His sleeves were ripped out, swung the bat with great clout,
The Mighty Big Klu was he.
His biceps were frightening indeed.
He caused the old hardball to bleed.
No doubt he was big, he also was tough,
The Mighty Big Klu was he.
His muscles were au naturel,
Unlike DeRosa and Sosa, et al.
No steroids or juice, just nature unloosed,
The Mighty Big Klu was he.
Posted 8/21/2007
The Mighty Big Klu
by Caleb Wiley
Big Klu and his guns struck fear
Into opponents both far and near.
His sleeves were ripped out, swung the bat with great clout,
The Mighty Big Klu was he.
His biceps were frightening, indeed.
He caused the old hardball to bleed.
No doubt he was big, he also was tough,
The Mighty Big Klu was he.
His muscles were au naturel,
Unlike DeRosa and Sosa, et al.
No steroids or juice, just nature unloosed–
The Mighty Big Klu was he!
Posted 8/21/2007