Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Freddie Freeman
Plays “Mario Kart” like a demon
But goes down in flames
In single-shooter games.
Scooter Gennett
Prefers natural rennet,
If you please,
When he makes his off-season cheese.
Buster Posey
Thinks everything’s rosy
In the City by the Bay,
But he doesn’t read the paper every day.
Luis Severino
Pitches like a vintage Ford Torino,
Which means in between starts,
It’s hard to find replacement parts.
I love to see my Cards team win
But the Reds are so bad, it’s a sin
That stadium’s bare
No fans in the chairs
Looks like they’re losing again.
When wintry winds cause batsmen
All to whiff and to wail,
They’re laughed off by a moundsman
Whose name is Rich Gale.
While batters may wish it were dry
And comfortably warm,
The winds won’t bother a Davis
With a first name like Storm.
When the field becomes mired
In a swampy wet bog
And the sky is grayed o’er,
Make the call to Josh Fogg.
If the weather gets so bad
Fans all need to take cover,
You need a staff with Jim Coates
And, of course, Gary Glover.
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?
Joey Votto
Never gets blotto
But does enjoy the occasional beer
With that crazy Molina, Yadier.
Ender Inciarte
Prefers Commedia dell’arte
And Restoration plays
To the pap on B’way these days.
Nolan Arenado
Boasts much bravado
But jumps high as a glider
When surprised by a spider.
Nelson Cruz
Hates to lose,
Which makes his time in Seattle
More of a battle.
Jose Quintana
Can drive up the Dan Ryan-a
Take the Drive over
And finally pitch in October.