by John G. Johnson
Verlander
Twenty-seven
Dropped
Posted the day after Justin Verlander’s no-hitter against the Brewers, 6/13/07
Haiku for Carlos Zambrano
By Stu Shea
Punch your catcher out.
Tell the press you’re his best bud.
Rinse and then repeat.
On Being A.J. Pierzynski
by James Finn Garner
Oh, it isn’t easy
Being A.J. Pierzynski.
Not one to appease, he
Is always called sleazy.
He’s never mistaken
For Francis Assisi.
He’d start a rhubarb
In a game of Parcheesi.
Ozzie will say that
He’ll see him in Hades–he
Then says they’re twins,
Near Siamese-y.
Other team’s say his
Play’s pretty cheesy.
If bad vibes were pollen,
The whole league would be sneezy.
But to find a smart catcher
Ain’t easy-peasy.
I’d rather hunt crocs on
The River
Like being the man
On the flying trapeze-y,
It ain’t never easy
Being A.J. Pierzynski.
A Poem for Lou Piniella
by James Finn Garner
Quite a fella,
That Lou Piniella.
He ain’t yella,
You can tella.
He joined the Cubs
To lead those scrubs
And prove past flubs
Were yesterday’s stubs.
A Herculean task?
Don’t even ask.
In last year’s grotesque,
They finished dead last.
But with Al Soriano
And Carlos Zambrano,
The team may be on to
A World Series, pronto.
And if the Cubs win
A World Series, then
The fans will have gin
Drenching their chins.
If not, then old Lou
Will have some ‘splainin’ to do,
Which he’ll probably do
With a meltdown or two.
Shut Up and Pitch Better
By Doug White
There once was a pitcher named Snell
Who didn’t throw particularly well.
When he hung a curve too high,
David Ross let it fly,
Then the hurler gave the poor ballpark hell.