Clothespins

By Stuart Dybek

I once hit clothespins
for the Chicago Cubs.
I’d go out after supper
when the wash was in
and collect clothespins
from under four stories
of clothesline.
A swing-and-a-miss
was a strike-out;
the garage roof, Willie Mays,
pounding his mitt
under a pop fly.
Bushes, a double,
off the fence, triple,
and over, home run.
The bleachers roared.
I was all they ever needed for the flag.
New records every game—
once, 10 homers in a row!
But sometimes I’d tag them
so hard they’d explode,
legs flying apart in midair,
pieces spinning crazily
in all directions.
Foul Ball! What else
could I call it?
The bat was real.

Stuart Dybek, the recipient of both Guggenheim and Macarthur fellowships, is the author of seven collections of short stories and poetry. He is the Distinguished Writer in Residence at Northwestern University where he teaches at the School of Professional Studies.

 

Holo Cow!

By James Finn Garner

Sung to the tune of “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band

Stumblin’ down on Rush Street, walkin’ pub to pub
Harry Caray was the idol of every Bleacher Bum
Started in St. Louis, but seduced the owner’s wife
Then Chisox, then the Cubbies — a checkered, blesséd life

Then MLB tries some tricks
During the “Field of Dreams”
And ghostly Harry resurrects
To gasps and chokes and screams….

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

He’s leading the seventh inning stretch, the weak of heart begin to retch
Beer gut missing around his middle, where’s the liver spots, sweat and spittle?
There’s no way to digitize a glorious mess like Harry
Please find some breathing pitchman and let the dead stay buried.

He’s been dead since ’98,
But you could never tell
Thanks, computer science,
But he never looked THIS well…

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

.     Cub Fan, Bud Man
.     This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.     Harry lives in a hologram
.     (Harry lives in a hologram)

Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na
Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na…

 

The Summer Game

by Doug Fahrendorff

Baseball
Seventy years a fan
And counting
From the “Whiz Kids”
To the “Brew Crew”
Following the boys of summer
Enjoying the timeless flow
Of the game
The perfect way to spend
A summer afternoon

 

All-Star Clerihews #4: The Proud and Profane

Corbin Burnes
Knows his gulls from his terns
In the role of a birder
He’s absolute murder.

Sterling Marté
Sure loves to par-tay.
Whiskey, tequila, rum–
Whatever you got, he’ll have some.

Alek Manoah
Has never been to Samoa
But he knows the nightlife is da bomb
In Guam.

Pete Alonso
Has tattoos of Gonzo,
Miss Piggy, Scooter, Fozzie and where space permits,
Kermit.