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Side Effect

by Greg Simetz

Taking a page
from Dan Quisenberry,
The sidearm delivery of Scott Effross
is becoming legendary.

Changing mechanics at 25,
lowering the release point to the belt,
Gave this Hoosier grad new life
causing his ERA to quickly melt.

He wears a Star-of-David necklace
and his 4-seamer is despised,
Now it’s opposing batter’s lumber
that’s getting circumcised.

He’s the stopper who won’t fumble,
exclaimed Cubs’ skipper Grandpa Ross,
Leaving flummoxed foes to grumble
“That effin’ Effross!”

 

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The No No-No

by Greg Simetz

The fans in Cincinnati
Have been driven somewhat batty
By a ball club bound for doom.
Then hurlers Greene and Warren
Achieved a feat so rare and foreign
Finally cutting through the gloom.
Holding Pirate batters hitless
For eight innings, said one witness,
Appeared to seal a Redlegs win
But in a twist of fate so wicked
A fielder’s choice was committed
And they lost a no-hit gem.

 

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Rip Sewell

by Michael Ceraolo

I’m proud of my major-league career,
though some will denigrate it
because I pitched through the war
I’m proud of resurrecting the eephus pitch
(I thought I had invented it,
but I understand historians have found
someone who threw it before I was born)
But what I’m most proud of is my part
in the defeat of Murphy’s Guild in ’46:
I spoke out against the strike,
and the proposed union went down to defeat

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In Dusty We Still Trusty

by James Finn Garner

Dusty Baker notched his 2000th win
With a toothpick lodged into his grin
No World Series ring?
That don’t mean a thing
His record requires no spin.

Astros' Dusty Baker joins 2,000-win club; here's how high he could climb

Photo by David J. Phillips/Associated Press

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Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?

by James Finn Garner

To distract from news of variations
And COVID viral mutations
And that “It’s everywhere!” sensation–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

To soothe the mind with pointless stats
Like zodiacal-themed at-bats
And if Lance Lynn’s allergic to cats–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

Ignoring the obscene cost of tickets
And the politics of Ricketts
And the siren call of following cricket–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

If I can score a bit of Zen
So to pick up the fight again
I’ll give the donut race a loud “Amen!”–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

Dunkin Donuts Race - YouTube