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NL Player of the Week

By Greg Simetz

A 29-year-old rook
Claimed off waiver’s wire
Has been tearing up pitchers
Setting Wrigley afire.

With the old-time name Frank
That sounds under-powered
He’s been putting up numbers
Like Franks Robinson and Howard.

Be it a game-winning slam
That set fans a-tingle
Or a headfirst slide into first
With a bizarre walk-off single.

He’s a real life Crash Davis
The longshot who paid
Taking out some of the sting
From Hoyer’s heartbreaking trades.

And though this year’s Cubs team
Will not win a ring
You can count on Schwindel
And his mighty sweet schwing!

 

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Bryant, Baez and Rizzo

by Hilary Barta

An infield that played like a dream
Three winners that made a great team
Now last-minute trades
But the past never fades
They’ll live out their days in esteem.

Limericist and comic-book artist extraordinaire Hilary Barta has a Patreon page explaining his art and artistic process. To help support his obsession with giant gooey monsters, click here!

 

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The Newest Sad Lexicon

by James Finn Garner

I know three reasons Wrigleyville’s crying
And why for season tix no one’s applying
Character sells, sure, but who’s buying?

.     Rizzo and Baez and Bryant

Losing El Mago, our greatest since Whizzo,
Has driven some fans on the borderline schizo,
Hiding their heartache by cranking up Lizzo

.     Baez and Bryant and Rizzo

Watching a hoped-for dynasty die is
Bringing a tear to each diehard’s eye, as
The White Sox look to dominate Chi —

.     Bryant and Rizzo and Baez

 

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Rube Benton

by Michael Ceraolo

It’s better to be lucky than good
I wasn’t good:
I knew the Series had been fixed in ’19,
though I’ve always denied that I profited from that knowledge
(wink wink)
And though I fit the Commissioner’s definition
of someone who wasn’t strictly honest,
and though others had been banned for ‘guilty knowledge’,
I was lucky to be a pawn in the game
between the Commissioner and the league presidents,
so I was not banned, and was able to play
three more years in the majors
and then eight years in the minors after that