by the Bleacher Bum Band
Playing Center Field
by Dan Campion
“Kids, don’t be too big to accept advice.” —Lewis Robert “Hack” Wilson
Hack Wilson said he played “hung over, yes,
but never drunk.” He said, “when I see three
balls, I just swing at the middle one.” You’d guess
he’d likely die of drink, in poverty,
and so he did, in Baltimore, far from
his glory days at Wrigley, where he’d hit
the big green scoreboard with a homer, some
poke for a guy just five foot six. His mitt
failed him in ’29, when two fly balls
played three balls with the sun, and Hack missed both
and blew the World Series, no animals
like Billy Goats involved. Though one is loath
to draw a moral, it’s just common sense
to wear shades near the center field fence.
Hank O’Day
by Michael Ceraolo
I was a player, manager, and umpire,
the only one to do that in League history,
and that eventually got me in the Hall of Fame,
but of course there’s only one thing everyone wants to know about
A few weeks before the Merkle incident
there was a similar scenario in a Cubs-Pirates game
I told Evers to go home, the game was over,
and wrote up the incident in the game report to President Pulliam
Many have criticized me through the years
for calling Merkle out on a technicality
for what was a common practice at the time,
but we actually called him out
because McGinnity interfered on the play,
which is hardly a technicality
And if I were consumed with technicalities
I could have ruled the game a forfeit to the Cubs
because the Giants couldn’t clear the field
I made what I think is the right decision:
calling the game a tie ended by darkness
First President Pulliam, and then the League Board,
upheld the decision,
and you know the rest of the story
“MOB (It’s the Glove You See)”
by BLB Productions
All-Star Clerihews 2: The Avenging Trail
Shohei Ohtani
Crushes balls unlike any
And pitches like a mystery–
Face it, folks, we’re watching history.
Josh Hader
Might bring his waders
Along on the All-Star break
And do some fishing on a cool Colorado lake.
Jesse Winker
Tends to lay off the sinkers
But he can go nuts
For a well-made cronut.
J.T. Realmuto’s
Favorite might be Pluto
Among cartoon dogs, but he
Identifies the most with Muttley.
