Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Hey Cubs bullpen: How’s it feel
To deliver everyone’s highlight reels?
With the gusts of your blown saves,
The ocean’s seeing tidal waves
The Midwest’s golden fields of wheat
Lay snapped and broken ‘neath our feet
Phone lines and electric towers
Are in disrepair for hours
The country’s airplanes have been grounded
Generator turbines pounded
And Italian cafes are getting calls
That you serve the nation’s best meatballs.
Kyle Schwarber is not a Gold Glover
By candy machines he will hover
But when he connects
The baseball he wrecks
With power to knock off the cover.
Carl Edwards once trusted his arm
But his head is now cause for alarm
Though Carl wasn’t canned
He’s lost his command
And instead has been sent to the farm.
Our pastime is hitting the skids
Its cast includes beer-sodden ids
At Wrigley, in Chi
This pig, “Mai Tai Guy”
Gets blasted and steals from young kids.
Adult fan yanks away Cubs walk-off home run ball from 2 kids
Mike Moustakas
Shakes air-maracas
When he sets his phone to play
“Not Fade Away.”
Anthony Rendon
Is bad to the bone
A little George Thoroughgood
Puts him in a killer mood.
George Springer
Is adroit with dingers
And often later
Brings more taters.
Hunter Pence
Is still intense
But has learned to be discrete
In the Texas heat.