Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Chicago Cubs
Inside the outfield,
Autumn dream: A Belli dance.
Will it or won’t it?
Cincinnati Reds
Too many men to
Plow the field and not enough
Men to throw the dirt.
Milwaukee Brewers
Blue and golden hop(e)s,
I thought it was still summer—
Then the brew went flat.
Pittsburgh Pirates
Fording three rivers,
Seedy types in fancy suits
Trawl for cheap assets.
St. Louis Cardinals
Spring rain’s mire will tell
Whether the wheels are still good
Or are falling off.
Au revoir, Dusty
In you did we trusty
Smart, passionate, steady
Toothpick at the ready
Giant, Astro, Dodger, Cub
You always improved a club
You have nothing more to prove
And lots of grandchildren to love
Raise a glass of Baker Wine
And celebrate the good times.
The Cubs of 1969:
A season with Hall of Famers,
But an ending not at all divine.
The Indians of 2005:
Chicago’s Pale Hose swept them
Like a beekeeper a beehive.
The Red Sox of 1978:
Bucky Bleepin’ Dent
Kept them from playoff’s gate.
The Blue Jays of 1987:
Many Canadians still mourn
Missing out on baseball’s heaven.
The Phillies of 1964:
“The Phold” phirmly closed
Access to the Fall Classic’s door.
Dr. Oza is a management consultant and facilitates the interpersonal dynamics of MBAs at Stanford University. His novel, Double Play, will be published in 2024 by Chicago’s Third World Press.
A Billy goat, black cat, and Bartman with headphones–
Just a few novel ways which Cubs’ seasons have been blown.
Add the Babe’s called shot to the centerfield stands
And a Gatorade glove on Leon Durham’s right hand.
Then in 2016 Cubs’ curses got squished,
108 years of agony all mercifully vanquished.
But curses! A new scourge unleashed in late ‘23
Thwarted hot pursuit of wild-card playoff glory.
Blown saves and gaffes and bats that went dry,
Then Seiya Suzuki misjudged a routine high fly.
(One solution to the team’s most recent imbroglio:
Trade Suzuki to the Cards for pitcher Ernie Broglio.)
So another year ends with a historic choke job,
A lousy ‘69 rerun, where again fans got robbed.
The looney toons finish was just one more sad joke.
What else can be said but, “Th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!”
