Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Cubs
A Sure Thing is not
called “A Sure Thing” unless it
hasn’t happened yet
Reds
Jason Marquis back?
Surely this is a sign that
the world is ending.
Brewers
For one final spring,
Aramis Ramirez tries
to avoid diving
Pirates
Could Clint Hurdle
be the Bucs’ final hurdle
to winning a title?
Cardinals
Some with a fresh start
Will soar higher than they could
Down in the southland
These Pirates played with spirit,
Didn’t fear it,
Threw inside,
Didn’t hide,
Played like a team.
Up-the-middle guys made a difference,
And good defense,
But last night they didn’t pitch or hit
For shit.
So endeth the dream.
Game 140. Cardinals 3, Brewers 2
Brewers lose and the
State of Wisconsin says
“Meh, it’s football season”
Game 141. Brewers 6, Cardinals 2
Losing streak over
Fiers, Scooter and Davis shine
Winning streak at one
Game 142. Cardinals 5, Brewers 3
Lohse faces old team
Gives up a couple homers
Crew can’t bail him out
Game 143. Cardinals 7, Brewers 0
In 9th, who’s that passing us?
“Hi Pirates, on your way up!”
We keep on falling
Cardinals 9, Brewers 0
It’s Wei-Chung Wang time
Bernie Brewer to pitch next
Crew raises white flag
Troy Tulowitzki
Must be throwing fits. He’s
The top vote-getter among NL jocks,
Yet plays for a bottom-feeder like the Rox.
Andrew McCutcheon
Walks around touching
Each and every light switch
Cuz his OCD is just a bitch.
Anthony Rizzo,
That’s a big favor to owe.
You’ll have to deliver, by gawd,
Before they uncover Chicago’s election fraud.
Chase Utley
Needs a course in geography.
Instead of Minnesota,
He booked a flight to North Dakota.
Jose Altuve:
Smooth move, eh?
Spend the week away from Houston,
Maybe get some fishing done.
BREWERS
Forecast for ’14?
Lots of Braun but little brain.
Enjoy fourth place, guys.
CARDINALS
Yadier Molina—
Buster Posey before the
new Buster Posey.
CUBS
Huh. “Wait til next year”
From a franchise managed by
Weekly profit/loss.
PIRATES
There’s one more Hurdle:
Convert iron not to steel
But to a trophy.
REDS
Time for a Price change—
It was getting Dusty there.
Maybe they’ll win now.