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Putting the Pits in Pittsburgh

By Stuart Shea

When you talk of the Pirates,
What gives them their charm?
Their .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes?

You’d think the trade deadline
Would cause some alarms
For a .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes.

But the Bucs got more pitching!
“You always need arms
With a .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes.”

There’s no one on the bench
And no one on the farm
No one else to play shortstop–
No one with an arm
Nobody in training
No one even warm
But their .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes.

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2012 NL Central Prediction Haikus

By Stuart Shea

CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.

CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.

HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers

MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.

 

 

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Matty Alou, The Poem

By Hart Seely

Roy White, you did all right.
Jim Ray Hart, you played your part.
Willie Mays, those were the days!
Matty Alou, is it really true?

Duke Sims, you climbed on limbs.
Sparky Lyle, you made us smile.
Horace Clarke, you jumped the shark.
Matty Alou, we must bid adieu?

Harvey Kuenn, you made the scene.
Juan Marichal, you gave ’em hell.
Steve Blass, let’s raise a glass!
Matty Alou, we’ll remember you.

Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames From Your Couch, will be published by Houghton Mifflin in time for Opening Day 2012.  You can pre-order it from Amazon at this link.

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Cubbie Opening Day Double-Header

by Hilary Barta

April Fools Rush In

To Wrigley the faithful had rushed
in hopes that the Pirates were crushed
From start to the finish
their wishes diminish
Till finally, fatally, flushed.

Opening Deluge

On schemes of the Cubbies it drizzled
as dreams of a “W” fizzled
It’s hard to succeed
when blowing a lead
Young Cubs fans already look grizzled.

Hilary Barta runs the site Limerwrecks, which is well worth your time and attention.