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This Year’s Departures

by James Finn Garner

The season is done, the jocks are stored
Only two teams are left on the board
Let’s pause now, while for Friday we wait,
And salute the retirements of a few greats.

Pujols hit his 700th for the Cards
And now will have time to work on his yard.

Bosox and Cubs champ Jon Lester
Now is an official hammock tester.

Music lover Kurt Suzuki
Can learn the banjo or bouzouki

After the majors, Ádrian González played on
But after this year, A-Gon done gone.

Melky Cabrera, the man and the myth,
Will star in community theater: “The Melkman Cometh.”

And if anyone’s  looking for J.A. Happ,
He’s out on the patio, taking a nap.

 

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Paul Waner

by Michael Ceraolo

Oklahoma wasn’t a state yet when I was born there
it was still largely part of the Wild West
And a part of the Wild West ethos
was the ability to hold your liquor
I showed that ability early on,
and I always thought it helped my ballplaying,
relaxing me, and allowing me
to the lines and alleys at Forbes Field,
piling up those doubles and triples;
one season I gave up the booze
and couldn’t hit worth a damn,
so I resumed drinking on the manager’s orders
Of course,
such didn’t help my life after baseball

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The Great One

by Tom Clark

So long Roberto Clemente
you have joined the immortals
who’ve been bodysnatched
by the Bermuda Triangle

When your plane went down
it forced tears out of grown men
all over the hemisphere
Al Oliver and
even Willie Stargell cried

You had a quiet
pissed-off pride
that made your countrymen
look up to you
even if you weren’t
taller than they are

No matter how many times
Manny Sanguillen
dove for your body
the sun kept going down
on his inability to find it

I just hope those Martians realize
they are claiming the rights to
far and away the greatest rightfielder
of all time

Copyright Tom Clark. From Fan Poems (1976).

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All-Star Clerihews #3: The Bad and the Beautiful

Byron Buxton
Through his awesome powers of deduction
Has determined the murderer of Lord McBroom
Is someone in this room!

Luis Arraez
Is not one to compromise.
If it’s not Johnnie Walker Black,
He sends it back.

Joe Musgrove
Is an ace with the cookstove.
He takes sausage and flapjacks
To the max.

Miguel Cabrera
Is the finest hitter of his era
And a real joy to watch play —
I have nothing snarky to say.