Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Though the Cards sit on top of the heap,
The Cubs seemed a lock for a sweep,
But middle-man Strop
With outs couldn’t cope,
And Rodney gave fans cause to weep.
Hilary Barta also runs the essential film-noir-and-monster-movie limerick site LimerWrecks.
A good-hitting pitcher will not sit
For a pinch hitter — wouldn’t think of it;
Some who’ve earned that respect,
For their teammates expect
He will help his own cause with a hit.
Bumgarner sure can hit, wield that bat,
Like Dons Robinson, Drysdale: out-flat;
Like Gibson, Big Daddy
Mad Bum needs no caddy,
Hear Don Newcombe was better than that.
Now the dog days of summer are here,
When the sun’s heat is hottest all year.
Risin’ on horizon,
Dog Star near Orion
Adds its own heat as it hovers near.
Now the dog days of summer are here,
Jints’ two hottest road trips this year,
Texas, then Chicago,
Post-Atlanta, they go;
Home, then St. Louis, Pittsburgh appear.
During Dog Days it’s brutally clear,
These two trips can define Giants’ year;
If they wish to repeat,
Have to deal with the heat
To end month in first place, at least near.
Just as Truman’s election made clear,
Dog Days’ trips can define one’s whole year.
Jints, like Harry, repeat
‘Cause they can stand the heat,
And like champions will persevere.
For Josh Donaldson
“Oh by golly, by gosh,
Why’d Beane have to trade Josh?”
Cried fan who’s an A’s East Bay mourner.
“He belongs with our A’s,
Not up north with the Jays,
There playing Toronto’s hot corner!
Now Josh Donaldson’s the
Presumptive MVP
Of the AL, at least he so plays;
While Beane signs bodies warm,
Without legs, hands or arm,
To play the hot corner for the A’s!”
Reckon my friend forgot
Billy owns part of pot,
Kind of like the Cards and Branch Rickey.*
Deal the A’s made with Beane
When the Red Sox seemed keen,
Suggesting Beane, like Rickey, is “tricky”;
Trading deadline is nigh.
Soon fans might say “goodbye”
To both Scott Kazmir and Sonny Gray,
For I doubt Beane forgot
Like Branch, his piece of pot
Is part of what makes Money Ball pay.
PS: Only took half a day
Till Beane traded away
Scott Kazmir, as we all knew he would,
In return, two unknowns
Causing more A’s fans’ groans,
Knowing these guys are gone if they’re good.
___________________________
* When Branch Rickey and Cards,
Owned by Breadon, were pards,
Branch got a cut of each deal he made;
With his farm system flush,
Rickey deemed it a “rush,”
To sell players so he is well paid.
“The Pious Hypocrite”
In his office would sit,
Trade players, not year late, one early;
Rickey never looked back,
Busy counting his stack.
Others thought him impious and surly.
If I could change the All-Star Game,
I’d change how I chose All-Star team.
I’d choose again All-Stars from when
First penciled my name in my dream:
If I could change the All-Star Game,
Would be announced by Dizzy Dean.
He pitched on those still-broken toes,
And knows what All-Star Game could mean.
If I could change the All-Star Game,
I believe I’d start Carl Hubbell,
Then Babe Ruth, next Lou, “Double-X”,
Simmons, Cronin — ain’t no trouble.
If I could change the All-Star Game,
I’d choose “Old Red Head”, Stan “the Man,”
For extra inning- roommates’ winning-
Home runs, as we’ve seen they both can.
If I could change the All-Star Game,
I’d say: “Say Hey, hey, lets play two!
Show NL’s pride to other side;
Two All-Star Games, both made for you.”
If I could change the All-Star Game,
I’d pick Reginald Martinez.
With his power, hits light tower.
“He slugged it like Roy Hobbs,” Diz sez.
If I could change the All-Star Game,
I’d choose my angel, Freddie Lynn.
With three on, wham, hits lone grand slam,
To Atlee Hammaker’s chagrin.
If I could change the All-Star Game,
For my final contribution,
Again play game for pride and fame,
Not World Series distribution.