by Stephen Jones
The Baseball Tavern on Boyle St., in Boston,
Must be hopping. The fielding question aired
On ESPN put aside, the Red Sox seem poised
To beard-brush St. Louis red birds aside.
Birds vs. Beards
by Stephen Jones
We don’t need ballistic pairing.
Will birds be in beards, nesting?
Or will Boston trump Cardinal flapping?
Whatever . . . it’s a series worth watching.
Why Can’t the Dodgers Be More Like the Cards?
by James Finn Garner
Don Mattingly’s LA Dodgers,
According to some hot-stove codgers,
Have flouted the unwritten rules
And shown themselves obnoxious tools.
Puig should do as he is told,
Not act like a 22-year-old.
And jumping in the D-Backs’ pool?
Uncool, Tinseltown Tots, uncool.
Dodgers, give heed to the reporters
For your endless list of oughtas.
Obey them when you’re hitting and scoring
And keep the game St. Louis boring.
Wacha Wacha Wacha
By Stuart Shea
The Cardinals’ pitcher is Wacha,
Wacha Wacha Wacha–
And he ain’t only talk-a,
Talka talka talka.
Ain’t gonna commit no balk-a,
Balka balka balka,
Ain’t gonna pull no rock-a,
Rocka rocka rocka.
The Agony of the Agate
by Michael X. Ferraro
Baseball in August creates many jobs
for travel agents and typesetting slobs.
Rehab assignments, Triple A spot starts,
Pennant aspirants shopping for spare parts.
Roster gods move in mysterious ways–
David DeJesus, three teams in five days?
Colin Cowgill’s grin, Billy Buckner’s frown.
Holy Toledo, Phil Coke’s been sent down!
Some guys can’t clear waivers; others released,
Plus one salary dump in the NL East.
(The Mets helped Pittsburgh in a deal most absurd—
Just tossed them a Buck and flipped them a Byrd.)
Eduardo Sanchez, gone from the big club.
But Ma Arrieta, Jake’s now a Cub!
Brad Boxberger sighs, packs for the bushes.
John Axford heads where the playoff push is.
Contenders reload, pretenders cut bait.
Hey Tuffy Goseswisch, Reno’s your fate.
Jose Constanza the Braves did recall,
with hopes that he’ll help them deep into Fall.
Philly’s less Savery—no Joe in the bigs;
Report sir, at once, to the Iron Pigs.
Ross Wolf’s been optioned to Round Rock Express,
while the Dodgers scooped up Edinson Volquez.
One-line transactions, a queer kind of fame.
Vic Black, you’ve become “Player To Be Named.”
Xavier Avery’s now a Rainier,
maybe Seattle, he’ll see you next year?
Michael X. Ferraro is a writer/producer/lyricist who scans the fine print daily to make sure he hasn’t been outrighted to Lehigh Valley.