Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?
Joey Votto
Never gets blotto
But does enjoy the occasional beer
With that crazy Molina, Yadier.
Ender Inciarte
Prefers Commedia dell’arte
And Restoration plays
To the pap on B’way these days.
Nolan Arenado
Boasts much bravado
But jumps high as a glider
When surprised by a spider.
Nelson Cruz
Hates to lose,
Which makes his time in Seattle
More of a battle.
Jose Quintana
Can drive up the Dan Ryan-a
Take the Drive over
And finally pitch in October.
Edwin Jackson
Might have some action
Left in his fastball, batters fear,
‘Cuz Baltimore signed him
His “best” years behind him
His 12th team in 14 years.
Buck, it’s a mirage–
He can’t hit a garage,
Throws as straight as a cluster of starlings.
Looks like Duquette’s
Willing to forget
His results with the Cubs and the Marlins.
And the Tigers.
And the Padres.
And the Braves.
And the White Sox.
And the Dodgers.
And probably the Pilots.
Colón’s a fan favorite
At age 43
Returned to New York
Crowd screaming “Big Sexy!”
A Braves pitcher now
Bartolo took the mound
Struck out six
Only one run allowed
Big Sexy’s reign continues
We must watch in awe
His solo home run
Still the best we ever saw
Rays are in the basement
Ain’t got the tin to spend
Braves are in a new tent
Paid for by the government
Oakland’s in the same boat
Should they stay? Should they go?
Big pay day’s in San Jose
But for now they’re gonna stay in East Bay
Look out kid
Ya done bin outbid
Owners cry the poor mouth, doin’ it again
Wanna build skyboxes to party with their rich friends
Some day you gotta stop but you don’t know when
Season ticket costs eleven grand, you only got ten . . .