Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Colón’s a fan favorite
At age 43
Returned to New York
Crowd screaming “Big Sexy!”
A Braves pitcher now
Bartolo took the mound
Struck out six
Only one run allowed
Big Sexy’s reign continues
We must watch in awe
His solo home run
Still the best we ever saw
Rays are in the basement
Ain’t got the tin to spend
Braves are in a new tent
Paid for by the government
Oakland’s in the same boat
Should they stay? Should they go?
Big pay day’s in San Jose
But for now they’re gonna stay in East Bay
Look out kid
Ya done bin outbid
Owners cry the poor mouth, doin’ it again
Wanna build skyboxes to party with their rich friends
Some day you gotta stop but you don’t know when
Season ticket costs eleven grand, you only got ten . . .
What do I do in Winter
When there’s no baseball
People want to know
Just one thing
I stare out the window
And wait for Spring.
Cavs crowned Cleveland’s schneid with Le Bron,
First crown since ’64 Browns won.
Tribes’ now poised to break
Their own “Schneid by the Lake”
After winning AL gonfalon.
Just weeks before Dewey beat Harry,
Tribe beat Braves, won flag, next year bury.
For nigh 70 years
Seasons end with more tears;
If Tribe wins, tears of joy will make merry.
Before the Fall gets underway,
Let us doff our caps and say
Goodbye to those who’ll junk their cleats,
Leave the park and walk the streets.
Super-versatile Angel Chone
Will now be the utility man at home.
Grant Balfour, hothead Aussie,
Can only fume when his wife gets bossy.
Phil Humber’s vaunted perfect game
Was his sole stat worth noting (such a shame).
The Prince has trouble with his neck–
He’ll inspire no more fear on-deck.
Tex and A-Rod will leave the Yanks
And all their fans will mumble thanks,
While Raf Soriano has called an end
To tell war stories, a fine fireman.
But let’s not forget the other guys,
Young tyros once, with starry eyes,
Who gave their all but somehow missed
The general manager’s call-up list.
They’re just as key to the game as any
Adam LaRoche or Brad Penny.
Talent, drive and dreams they bid,
Just like us when we were kids.