Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Joe Mauer
Has no need to feel dour.
He’ll get a trip to the Big Apple for frees
Without having to play the Yankees.
Jason Castro
Is the lone Astro.
He brings Bigfoot to mind
As the sole representative of his kind.
Bartolo Colon
Doesn’t climb the mound alone.
He relies on his teammates, and God,
And Big Pharma supporting his ancient bod.
Freddie Freeman
Must be some kind of he-man.
He’ll play in New York instead of Puig.
Too bad that now, I don’t give a fuig.
BRAVES
Georgia is the world’s
Top pecan supplier. Plus
Andrelton Simmons
MARLINS
Why is a fish tank
So fascinating to watch?
Billion-dollar chum.
METS
No, it’s not a joke!
Cowgill and Valdespin are
In center field now
NATIONALS
Unnatural arm,
Unbelieveable results–
Can Strasburg stay fit?
PHILLIES
The old and infirm
Are the last to know that they
Are old and infirm
The hitter for our era
Triple Crown Miguel Cabrera
Texas falls to wild card
From A’s maulers going yard
Yankees claim at last the East
Atlanta goes to best from least
All the pieces now in place
For the annual October race
But my joy is kept in check
Hearing of Pat Neshek
Whose baby boy Gehrig passed on
Amidst all the celebrations
We cheer as one
But grieve alone
November comes
And we are gone
I’m Jeff Baker, and I’ve got a role
Hitting left-handers is what I do.
Plug me into any old hole,
And I’ll hit .300–but field that, too.
Try me at third, or left, or right,
My glove is decent but I don’t move well.
My bat drags heavy, though my salary’s light,
And I wish that I had more to sell.
But hitting those southpaws gets me a gig–
I’ve already graced three teams this year!
With a bit more skill, my salary would be big,
But sometimes I’m just glad to be here.
A Brave young slugger,
A two-time VP,
A five-time Gold Glover
Who wore number 3.
A role-model teammate
Without ego or rage,
A clean-living player
In a steroid age.
Two home runs short
Of a trip to the Hall,
His legacy waits
To fly over the wall.
Charles Ghigna (Father Goose) is a poet, children’s author, speaker and nationally syndicated feature writer. He has written more than 60 award-winning books of poetry and been reprinted extensively, even in the ACT and SAT tests.