Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
ATLANTA BRAVES
So many moons past…
The spring of Chipper gives way
To rust and pallor
MIAMI MARLINS
New house and new name
Young folks up til all hours
The Blizzard of Ozz
NEW YORK METS
They built this Citi.
Now they have to live in it
Short fences or not
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
At the keystone sack
Nothing but questions surface
In this pennant Chase
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Message from the East—
“Beware high expectations”
Tapped out in Morse code
The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
The bats have finally come to life
but things here still don’t seem right
Uggla can’t get going here
and Linebrink fills the fans with fear
every single pitch he throws
has a fan’s heart coming up his throat
for fear the game will soon be lost
and then a home run ball is tossed
when will Fredi make a move
let Venters close and Kimbrel groove
his fastballs in the 8th instead
so we can try to get ahead?
we can’t beat Philly 2 of 3
and then get smothered by D.C.
makes no sense if you ask me!
A wildcat did prowl
The wind began to howl
and Oddibe McDowell
belongs in a Bob Dylan song.
.
Jim Siergey is the author and illustrator of the Cubs alternate history If They Did It. You can see more of his illustration work at his website here.
ATLANTA BRAVES
It’s a New Brave World,
New players, new chief, newspeak,
And an old Chipper.
FLORIDA MARLINS
A Southern poser:
If teams play in the forest
Will anyone care?
NEW YORK METS
Luis Castillo
Will drop pop-ups someplace else
This sunny summer.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
The best rotation?
Either what the Phillies have
Or the earth itself.
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Despite higher Werth,
From Ankiel to Zimmerman
They’ll still be boring.