Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
So many long years ago
Ichiro
Began spraying hits
And if it seems like it’s
Going to go on forever
(I mean, it never
Looks like he ages),
Remember the pages
Of record holders
Left to molder
When a young stud
Both lucky and good
Works to set a new mark
At the ball park.
In time a new hero
Will surpass Ichiro,
And the passage of time
Cruel and sublime
Will lose some of its sting
As we salute a new king.
(A Nod to John D. MacDonald)
Headline: MIAMI MARLIN FOUND GUILTY!
“Giancarlo Stanton, without any pity,
Coolly murdered a baseball — a line-drive
Home run screaming four hundred ninety.
“Some say it was heard in the next county.
It was later found in an unmarked grave.
“Officials do say: ‘No arrests have been made.'”
Donnie Baseball is off to Miami–
Sunshine home of the Northeast retiree–
Where he’ll raise Marlins, a la Girardi,
On a budget one-third Dodgers’ salary.
The Marlins hired a ‘suit’
To skipper their club–
And he’s as bright as a summer tanager.
But when his time runs out,
The angry fans will shout,
“Fire the Middle Manager!”
Braves
“The Braves will be good”???
…what I like about the South
Is its humility
Marlins
Oh, Giancarlo,
Is 300 mil enough
To stand Loria?
Mets
It was a bright day
When the Wheel fell off the cart
Leaving three good ones
Phillies
Men with few assets
Should not bargain as if they
Can afford to wait
Nationals
The young man acts young;
His elders, who know better,
Lecture and complain