Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
(A Nod to John D. MacDonald)
Headline: MIAMI MARLIN FOUND GUILTY!
“Giancarlo Stanton, without any pity,
Coolly murdered a baseball — a line-drive
Home run screaming four hundred ninety.
“Some say it was heard in the next county.
It was later found in an unmarked grave.
“Officials do say: ‘No arrests have been made.'”
Donnie Baseball is off to Miami–
Sunshine home of the Northeast retiree–
Where he’ll raise Marlins, a la Girardi,
On a budget one-third Dodgers’ salary.
The Marlins hired a ‘suit’
To skipper their club–
And he’s as bright as a summer tanager.
But when his time runs out,
The angry fans will shout,
“Fire the Middle Manager!”
Braves
“The Braves will be good”???
…what I like about the South
Is its humility
Marlins
Oh, Giancarlo,
Is 300 mil enough
To stand Loria?
Mets
It was a bright day
When the Wheel fell off the cart
Leaving three good ones
Phillies
Men with few assets
Should not bargain as if they
Can afford to wait
Nationals
The young man acts young;
His elders, who know better,
Lecture and complain
Hey, orange Marlins yahoo,
What gives you the right to
Wear something else than powder blue
Sitting where the world sees you?
You need to blend in with the crowd,
Not sit in garments screaming loud.
So you have a stub — think you can
Crimp our genius marketing plan?
To your Fish you think you’re loyal?
Well, here everyone cheers the Royals.
Your defiance makes the brass see red!
This is America, pal, and don’t forget!