By Stuart Shea
If a ball falls in the outfield
And no one is there to cheer,
Will the Marlins draw a million fans this year?
2013 NL East Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
BRAVES
Georgia is the world’s
Top pecan supplier. Plus
Andrelton Simmons
MARLINS
Why is a fish tank
So fascinating to watch?
Billion-dollar chum.
METS
No, it’s not a joke!
Cowgill and Valdespin are
In center field now
NATIONALS
Unnatural arm,
Unbelieveable results–
Can Strasburg stay fit?
PHILLIES
The old and infirm
Are the last to know that they
Are old and infirm
March Baseball
by Stephen Jones
There is nothing to speak of, so far
Except, maybe, mega-contracts, buying the World Series
and demonic trades, and key pre-season injuries
The Yankees are back with battered fixations
The Marlins are simply trade-and-bait
The Nationals are openly trepadacious
The Phillies are, well, on the clock
San Francisco, so far, is blowing smoke
Los Angeles is spending its bank
. . . and the list goes on
Summertime passion is now full-time
obsession and has little to do with “the game”
The Ballad of Scott Podsednik (Sung to “I’m Movin’ On”)
By Joyce Heiser
Came out of high school, stayed in Texas awhile
Seems he just couldn’t make it all seem worthwhile
He’s movin’ on. He’s movin’ on.
Rangers said “So long son, go enjoy the sun”
He’s Marlin gone.
Minor leagues kept trading, kept cutting him loose
Never was the engine, just a little caboose
Seven years rolled on, they just moved on.
Finally majored a run in 2000 and 1
Would they keep him on?
Another year came and another deal too,
Milwaukee got him in 2002,
He still moved on, he was there and gone.
Led the league in base steals, tried to keep it real,
But they moved him on.
Chicago was home for a few good years
Got a World Series ring, a girl with bunny ears,
He’s carryin’ on, maybe he’ll stay on.
But another year came, and another ball game,
He packed and was gone.
Up in the mountains, till 2009,
Back to bat that year in the White Sox line,
Another movin’ on, another hometown gone.
Even though he had fans, Chicago had other plans
And they let him move on.
One year with the Royals, still stealing some base,
Let him go to the Dodgers, problems slowing his pace.
Trouble movin’ on, released and on his own.
Try up North, play the West, half-a-year at best
So he’s movin’ on.
Finally landed in Philly, more like Lackawanna
Scranton doesn’t really sound like baseball nirvana.
Will he be movin’ on? Sing that travelin’ song?
Thirteen teams, eighteen years, Hard to change your gears
And keep movin’ on.
The Cuban Misspeak Crisis
By Michael X. Ferraro
“Cheering the Beard” is such a thorny notion
It nearly got Ozzie chucked in the ocean.
Instead he crash-landed in water so hot
‘T’would turn a refugee raft ‘to a teapot.
Down in Miami, fidelity to Fidel
Earns one the stature of Eddie Gaedel.
So Guillen, he of cojones inflated,
Went way overboard and got Castro-ated!*
(* But while landing Hernandezes at the beach
Let’s try not to trample all over free speech.)
Michael X. Ferraro is a TV writer/producer and author of Numbelievable: The Dramatic Stories Behind the Most Memorable Numbers in Sports History and Tased & Amused: The Shocking Poetic Recap of the 2010 Baseball Season.