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Bag of Tricks

by James Finn Garner

RIP Octavio Dotel (1973-2025), who died last week after a roof collapsed at a concert he was attending in Santo Domingo, DR.

New York. Houston. Oakland.
When they called
New York Yankees.
(and they kept calling)
Kansas City. Atlanta. Chicago.
I picked up my stuff and left.

Pittsburgh. LA. Denver.
(they still kept calling)
Toronto. St. Louis. Detroit.
My bag of tricks.

By the last season
someone guessed I’d played
with 25 percent of the active players
One out of every four
A lot of friends
Maybe some enemies?
A lot of stops
A lot of life

¡Salud!

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The Curious Case of Fidd Sinch

By Dr. Rajesh C. Oza

During this Spring Training,
Wizened old scouts were heaping
Much praise on Tigers rookie Fidd Sinch:

“A Tibetan phenom, ah!
He prays like the Dalai Lama
And throws like a reincarnated Mark Fidrych.”

Fidd, named after “The Bird,”
Chants a silly-sly Buddhist word
Before every thrown ball.

The chanted mantra is Ton-Plimp, Ton-Plimp,
Meaning “Beware of the cheeky chimp
Penning this April 1 doggerel.”

In honor of the 40th anniversary of George Plimpton’s Sports Illustrated April Fools’ Day hoax.

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A Sonnet for Juan Soto, Who is Not Interested in Your Borderline Strikes

by Kevin Canfield

He’s paid, in a sense, to refrain from swinging
High heat, sliders in the dirt — he will not chase
If off the mark an opponent’s hurler is flinging
He’ll watch four wide ones, then jog to first base

His patience calls to mind a vintage mystic’s
So chill at the plate, get him an iced tea
This ain’t an opinion — just check the statistics
That’s how you earn such a high OBP

Twenty-six now, he’s been like this forever
Doing that shuffle after taking bad pitches
He’s made restraint a lucrative endeavor
Homers and walks — he knows what his niche is

It’s true, his contract’s huge, it’s not even funny,
But have you heard how Steve Cohen made his money?

 

Kevin Canfield’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post and other publications