Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?
Michael Conforto
Wrote a sad concerto
About what it really means
To play in Queens.
Corey Knebel
Cleared the table
Once in Bay View playing pool,
Which is the Wisconsin definition of cool.
DJ LaMahieu
Has bid adieu
To old self-centered habits
To start a shelter for homeless rabbits.
Justin Smoak
Almost went broke
With an investment scheme
For anti-strike-out cream.
An ardent and ballsy debater,
At arguing calls none was greater
His jowls had a fit
As he howled and he spit
A gnarly and balding old tater.
For Jimmy Piersall (11/14/1929 – 6/4/2017)
Jimmy Piersall today passed away
Childhood hero had own style of play
My first glove bore his name
Tried to play game the same
With his glove, learned to field Jimmy’s way.
Jimmy played with unique sense of pride,
Until by his pride Piersall was fried.
After treated with shocks
Rapped with Harry, White Sox,
Only sane man on air, certified.
With apologies (not really needed) to Robert W. Service
There are strange things done in a season’s run
. Â By the characters ’round Citi Field
The yardbird gramps will loiter on ramps
. Â And tell you to keep your eyes peeled.
The borough of Queens has staged horrible scenes
. Â But the horriblest of them yet
Was a dark night in May, with the team put away,
. Â We got flipped off by Mr. Met.
Now Mr. Met, let no one forget,
. Â Has been around since the Amazin’s began.
The face of the team had a smile that beamed
. Â Brighter than any real Gotham man.
So when miserable play, day after day,
. Â Leaves the line twixt patience and torture blurred
It should be no surprise that even this guy
. Â Is reduced to giving the bird.
The Brewers had bombed ol’ Jacob deGrom
. Â And, heckled by some random slob,
Mr. Met let loose with a low-flying goose
. Â And now is out of a job.
When you see him there, in the crowd in Times Square,
. Â Taking snaps for tips with Iowa teens
With Elmo and Kermit, slow down and permit
. Â Him to reflect on what might have been.