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Autumn’s New Retirees

by James Finn Garner

Before the Fall gets underway,
Let us doff our caps and say
Goodbye to those who’ll junk their cleats,
Leave the park and walk the streets.

Super-versatile Angel Chone
Will now be the utility man at home.
Grant Balfour, hothead Aussie,
Can only fume when his wife gets bossy.

Phil Humber’s vaunted perfect game
Was his sole stat worth noting (such a shame).
The Prince has trouble with his neck–
He’ll inspire no more fear on-deck.

Tex and A-Rod will leave the Yanks
And all their fans will mumble thanks,
While Raf Soriano has called an end
To tell war stories, a fine fireman.

But let’s not forget the other guys,
Young tyros once, with starry eyes,
Who gave their all but somehow missed
The general manager’s call-up list.

They’re just as key to the game as any
Adam LaRoche or Brad Penny.
Talent, drive and dreams they bid,
Just like us when we were kids.

 

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The Mets Have a New Outfielder

by Stuart Shea

Brandon Nimmo
Sure ain’t no dimmo.
Don’t come from Pismo and
Don’t use no gizmo.
When viewed thru a prismo,
He just wants what’s hismo.
And if he hits like a wizmo,
The Mets will not quiz mo’.

 

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Every Sixty Years

by the Village Elliott

For Madison Bumgarner, et al.

Each Giants fan felt giant fear,
Thought, “Though year’s even,” then “Out of here!”
Mad Baum showed Jints the way,
Hit “Game’s Call of the Day”.
Reckon likely be Call of the Year.

Seems each 60 years there’s such a game:
Give up Grand Slam, hit tater same frame.
First, Hubs’ Fred Klobedanz,
Back when Babe wore short pants;
Reds’ Hal Jeffcoat, Mad Bum each same fame.

 

On August 18 in the fourth inning, Madison Bumgarner gave up a grand slam. In the bottom of the inning, he hit a two-run tater. He is the third hurler in Major League history to hit a home run after giving up grand slam in previous half-inning:

1: Boston Braves’ Fred Klobedanz vs. New York Giants (homer by George Davis), 1st/2nd, on 9/12/1896
2: Cincinnati Reds’ Hal Jeffcoat vs. St. Louis Cardinals (homer by Stan Musial), 8th, on 5/26/1957
3: San Francisco Giants’ Madison Baumgarner vs New York Mets (homer by Justin Ruggiano), 4th, on 8/18/16

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Fall of the House of All-Star Clerihews

Julio Teheran
Loves Duran Duran
But will take a paz
On Yaz.

Yoenis Cespedes
Likes watching “The Apprentice”.
“What I can’t figure out, man,
Is where they found a talking orangutan.”

Marcell Ozuna
Is the big kahuna
In Miami’s centerfield
By Red Groom’s carnival sculpture he’s almost concealed.

Dellin Betances
Took his chances
With a street vendor’s tamales
And is now very solly.

 

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Bad News Mets

by Stephen Jones

Fans of The Amazins,
They have to be sayin’:
“OK, so what’s next for
The starting rotation?”

First it’s a bone spur
For the mighty one — Thor.
Now it’s a spot,
A possible clot,
For the Dark Knight —
Whose turns on the mound
Have been less than profound.
Now he too looks unsound.