Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Julio Teheran
Loves Duran Duran
But will take a paz
On Yaz.
Yoenis Cespedes
Likes watching “The Apprentice”.
“What I can’t figure out, man,
Is where they found a talking orangutan.”
Marcell Ozuna
Is the big kahuna
In Miami’s centerfield
By Red Groom’s carnival sculpture he’s almost concealed.
Dellin Betances
Took his chances
With a street vendor’s tamales
And is now very solly.
Fans of The Amazins,
They have to be sayin’:
“OK, so what’s next for
The starting rotation?”
First it’s a bone spur
For the mighty one — Thor.
Now it’s a spot,
A possible clot,
For the Dark Knight —
Whose turns on the mound
Have been less than profound.
Now he too looks unsound.
Junior Guerra
At age 31, a unique rookie
His baseball odyssey a winding road
Stops at Braves and Mets minor league affiliates
Independent ball
The Mexican league
And Italian pro baseball
This year he arrived in Milwaukee
His pitching success
A bright spot in a rebuilding year
However long his success lasts
It’s worthwhile
Celebrating his perseverance
Conjuring his Inner Say Hey Kid,
Bartolo decamps from the mound.
Sprinting so fast he loses his lid,
He covers a whole lot of ground,
And hauls in Galvis’ base-hit bid–
Yet another Colon foe clowned.
For a clip of Colon’s play, click here.
Michael’s hilarious football book Circus Catch is available from Amazon now.