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The John Lennon Yankee Song

by Hart Seely

Imagine there’s no Beltran.
It’s easy if you try.
No more infield pop-ups.
And no more rallies die.
Imagine all the outfield,
Under thirty-five…

Imagine there’s no long-terms.
It isn’t hard to do.
Nobody out on rehab,
And no Stephen Drew, too.
Imagine Yankee “prospects,”
Under thirty-five…

You-oo-o-o-o…
You may say I’m a Met fan,
Bartolo Colon, Granderson,
We know one day they’ll rejoin us,
But only after they’re completely done…

Imagine no Sabathia.
I wonder if you can.
No waiting for his comeback,
And no complaints among the fans.
Imagine all the people,
Cheering his career…

You-oo-o-o-o…
You may say I’m a moron,
But we only want to win…
We hope some young players join us,
And someday we’ll raise a flag again.

 

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If Tex is Really Back

by Hart Seely

If only we can beat the Mets,
If Boston loses Mookie Betts,
If A-Rod somehow hits a bunch,
And Carlos Beltran earns his lunch…
Our team could finish in the black,
Not wither at the warning track.
We’d actually have a bold attack…
If Tex is really back.

If C.C. salves the wounds of time,
If Didi turns out worth a dime,
If Headley brings a few clutch blasts,
And Masahiro’s elbow lasts…
Then we can add another plaque,
And dance like Strahan with a sack,
No cleanup slugger will we lack…
If Tex is really back.

Ah, but dreams! they’re known to drift,
Like fielders in an over-shift,
And spring’s a time to see rebirth,
But fall is when teams rule the earth.
Let’s savor every vict’ry snack,
And cheer his every home run whack,
We’ll all be high, like smoking crack…
If Tex is really back.

 

Hart Seely is the author of The Juju Rules and helms the indispensable Yankee blog, It is High, It is Far, It is  . . . Caught.

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Utley’s Coroner

by Michael X. Ferraro

Chase Utley gets plunked all the time.
Sometimes he leans in, like a mime.
But Matt Harvey drilled hard,
Because Chase took him yard.
Does Baseball not think this a crime?

 

Chase Utley led the league in HBP three years running, from 2007-9. He has also homered so often to the right field porch at Citi Field, the Mets announcers have christened it “Utley’s Corner.”

Michael X. Ferraro is a writer and Phillies fan trapped in Los Angeles. His latest book is the satirical sports novel, Circus Catch.

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Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: “Getting Better”

by James Finn Garner

I used to get mad up in Queens
At that flub-driven, do-nothing team
but Omar Minaya’s long said “Sayonara”
The rebuild is picking up steam.

I admit they’re getting better
A little better all the time
I have to admit they’re getting better
The Mets are better! And I roll my eyes.

The rotation has Senor Colon
An anchor in more ways than one
Jakob deGrom is really da bomb
I hope Wheeler’s arm isn’t done

I admit they’re getting better
A little better all the time
We’ve heard it before — they’re getting better
The Mets are better! And I roll my eyes.

I’ve been patient with Granderson, Ruben Tejada, and everyone else on this weak-swinging squad,
I trust David Wright is finally right
And God protect Travis d’Arnaud.

I admit they’re getting better
A little better all the time
They’re not the Yanks — they’re getting better
The Mets are better! And I roll my eyes.

 

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Spring 2015

by Nathan Rudy

My Mets will win games, that much is clear,
With Harvey, deGrom and others this year.
If Cuddyer can hit, and Flores finds his mitt,
We won’t toss Alderson out on his ear.

But the best is out west, in the dry Vegas air,
Pitching their hearts out as arm tendons tear.
Matz, Monterro and Thor now are great,
But can’t reach the majors ‘til 21 days late.

So fans of the Mets will continue to fret,
Ownership’s bank account hasn’t recovered yet,
And hope for a year when we surpass 81,
And get to the playoffs ‘fore this century’s done.