Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
When basketball players complained
About the ball, the NBA fixed it.
When hockey players complained
About the puck, the NHL fixed it.
But when baseball players complained
About the ball, MLB … well, it didn’t fix it.
Instead, seemingly clueless, MLB has allowed
Three different balls — one, Matt Scherzer
Has said, as hard as a cue ball — and has
No intention of fixing the problem, even though
Getting hit by a pitch this year is on
Average at an all-time league high.
Upset with his team getting booed
Javy Baez gave thumbs down, how rude!
Of course from the stands
The jaded Mets fans
Returned a gesture equally crude.
Whatever the Yankees do
These days, it isn’t enough;
Even .500 ball is a challenge.
It’s gotten so bad in the Bronx
That even the ghost of Phil Rizzuto,
Ever aura of the positive,
Is thinking about haunting new digs.
Man of aplomb
Defuser of bombs
For Queens, a balm
An alley-wise tom
The best from Babylon
To Viet Nam
(And never forgets to call his mom)
That’s Jacob deGrom.
The only qualm:
Can his arm stay on?
Gibson would back you
off the plate on a bet.
Pedro had no illusions—
He just hated your guts
if you had a different color uniform.
Nolan Ryan didn’t care if
his 98 MPH fastball hit
a hip, arm, or leg.
Charge the mound for respect?
Next inning?
More chin music…
A nuanced, non-written
rule of the
National Pastime.
A former collegiate offensive lineman and football coach, Dan Provost’s poetry has been published in many print and online magazines. He lives in Berlin, New Hampshire with his wife, Laura, and dog, Bella.