Get Off His Lawn!!
by Michael X. Ferraro
Jamie Moyer, long of tooth,
Nabs a win at 49.
Never pitched to ol’ Babe Ruth
But babysat him one time.
Michael X. Ferraro is a TV writer/producer and author of Numbelievable: The Dramatic Stories Behind the Most Memorable Numbers in Sports History and Tased & Amused: The Shocking Poetic Recap of the 2010 Baseball Season.
Cubs-Nationals, Opening Day 2012
by Hilary Barta
As the management turns a new leaf
The old fans are relearning their grief
As the ace, Dempster’s strong,
But then brace for what’s wrong,
And make plans to get burned in relief.
Hilary Barta is the chief cook and bottle-washer at LimerWrecks.
The Cuban Misspeak Crisis
By Michael X. Ferraro
“Cheering the Beard” is such a thorny notion
It nearly got Ozzie chucked in the ocean.
Instead he crash-landed in water so hot
‘T’would turn a refugee raft ‘to a teapot.
Down in Miami, fidelity to Fidel
Earns one the stature of Eddie Gaedel.
So Guillen, he of cojones inflated,
Went way overboard and got Castro-ated!*
(* But while landing Hernandezes at the beach
Let’s try not to trample all over free speech.)
Michael X. Ferraro is a TV writer/producer and author of Numbelievable: The Dramatic Stories Behind the Most Memorable Numbers in Sports History and Tased & Amused: The Shocking Poetic Recap of the 2010 Baseball Season.
“The Opener and the Closer”: Cubs-Nationals, Opening Day 2012
By Hilary Barta
As the management turns a new leaf
The old fans are relearning their grief
As the ace, Dempster’s strong,
But then brace for what’s wrong,
And make plans to get burned in relief.
Expert Color Commentary Prediction Haiku
by John Shea
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
“They might break even
if the young pitching improves.”
We’ve heard this before.
BOSTON RED SOX
After a tough loss
the new manager searches
for false-nose glasses
SEATTLE MARINERS
Jesus can create
a feast from loaves and fishes,
but Jesus can’t catch.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
With steroids now banned
normal aging will resume.
The cliff draws near.
DETROIT TIGERS
Trying to play third
when first base is a stretch could
drive a man to drink.
