Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Au revoir, Dusty
In you did we trusty
Smart, passionate, steady
Toothpick at the ready
Giant, Astro, Dodger, Cub
You always improved a club
You have nothing more to prove
And lots of grandchildren to love
Raise a glass of Baker Wine
And celebrate the good times.
In 2019, playing baseball’s cheaters,
The Nats won the Series on the road.
Still tagged as the sport’s deadbeaters,
The Astros carried the warts of a toad.
In 2023, with Bochy managing heroic,
The Rangers won at Minute Maid.
With Dusty chewing on a toothpick,
The Astros prayed and flayed.
Sure, they have 2017 and 2022,
But 2017 was banged on a trash can,
And 2022 was too good to be true,
For a team that warranted a ban.
Stealing signs left the ‘Stros stained
And unable to win at home.
Perhaps they should’ve remained
Hapless but honest in the Dome.
George Carlin famously suggested,
“In baseball the object is to go home.”
But when your Series ring is contested,
You are banished to aimlessly roam.
My legend will soon be a Pfaadt accompli
Wait, is Lovullo coming for me?!
For 17 batters, I shackled those Phils,
Manhandling the mighty with my poison pills.
But this analytic whoozywhatzit
Overthinking has forced my exit.
Start with pitching from Aaron Nola
Rich and smoky as cappicola
Add a Castellanos tater
And two bombs from Schwarber later
And hot corner sauce from Alec Bohm
Stingy as a Hogwarts gnome
Serve in a park where the foundations shake —
All that equals famine for the Snakes.
A baserunning blunder
had clapback like thunder
but somehow, for the offending team.
Bryce Harper’s brain spasm
caused clubhouse sarcasm,
now the Braves’ year has run out of steam.
