Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Hart Seely
Hot beneath the raging sun,
Running in his cheap suit blazer,
Trigger-happy with his gun,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.
Rumbling like a rented van,
Aiming carefully his laser,
Firing on some hapless fan,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.
Creepo at the junior prom,
Sicko wielding rusted razor,
Castro with a nuclear bomb,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.
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Posted 5/11/10
by David Bellel
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A salute to Ike Davis, one of the ball-playing members of the tribe.
I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong! The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Pull out the stopper!
Let’s have a (kosher) whopper!
But get me to Citifield on time!
I gotta be there in the mornin’
Spruced up with my cup aligned
Yids, come and bless me;
Bring choice salamis
But get me to Citifield on time!
If I want to hora, roll up the floor.
If I am dovening, close down my torah!
For I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong! The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Wrap up my blintzes.
But don’t lose the Tzimmes
But get me to Citifield,
Get me to Citifield,
For Moses’ sake, get me to Citifield on time!
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You can follow David on his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism.
Posted 4/28/2010
By Ember Nickel
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There’s more than clocks that must be cleaned in spring:
Some clocks were cleaned, but we don’t need them here.
There’s new faces to meet, all who will bring
Something different to their team for this year.
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So say hello to Halladay. Don’t say
That Placido need be placid, though. Greet
Greenhorns around the leagues. Proudly call “hey”
To Justin Heyward and each star you meet.
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Try your best to keep up with Garrett Jones.
Welcome back Marcum. Spring’s glories fade fast
So soak it all in before it all drones
Into no more than murmurs of the past.
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Learn more of phenoms that you may have heard
Just briefly of. Say hi. Welcome a Byrd.
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Posted 4/21/2010
By Stuart Shea
BRAVES
No Glavine. No Smoltz.
“Chipper” Jones no longer is.
Where has my youth gone?
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MARLINS
If a ball club plays
In an empty stadium
Does anyone hear?
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METS
A pleasant spring, but
No Reyes of sun for the Mets.
FBI? Thyroid?
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PHILLIES
Is this an old team?
Well, 18 of them were born
Before Reagan’s years.
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NATIONALS
As Strasbourg links France
and Germany, Steve Strasburg
spans Nats’ talent gap.
Posted 4/4/10
by Sid Yiddish
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A 27th title
A 27th crown
I don’t believe it,
Did those Yankees buy it off like the 2003 Florida Marlins?
What’s a little extra cash between friends?
What’s a little stash hidden, what’s a little trash talk, just coz other teams didn’t win?
Blame it on the Yankees.
Since 2001 have been buying players black-market style, just to satisfy the fans.
Blame it on the Yankees
When A-Rod takes steroids
Blame it on the Yankees
When umpires look the other way
Blame it on the Yankees
When a new stadium was built and cost a ton
Blame it on the Yankees
When the new yarns are spun
Blame it on the Yankees
When the old legends mysteriously disappeared
Blame it on the Yankees
When they played on our worst fears
Blame it on the Yankees
When the Phillies lost hard
Blame it on the Yankees
When they caught the fans off-guard
Blame it on the Yankees
When they pulled hits out of thin air
Blame it on the Yankees
When they won the World Series fair and square
Blame it on the Yankees
Blame it on the Yankees
Because they always will.
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Posted 11/11/2009