Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Shohei Ohtani, Michael Lorenzen
striking out rivals, driving their friends in.
Need more proof the DH rule’s stupid?
Back in the day, look up what Babe Ruth did.
Reds’ Jacked Renaissance Man Michael Lorenzen Homers, Plays Field, Earns Win Against Phillies
We’d never trade him, not even for Trout.
Fuzzy and bulbous, bright green with a snout.
If they took him from Philly
We’d all cry ourselves silly
And the damn owners could show themselves out.
Could The Phillie Phanatic Really Become a Free Agent?
Michael X. Ferraro was practically raised by the Phillie Phanatic, and thinks his magical creators should get their fair share.
Jarrod Dyson led off, hit one out.
Then Marte joined the party of clout.
Peralta, up next, also bat-flexed
en route to the most homer-filled rout.
The Diamondbacks outslugged the Phillies on Monday night, and both teams set an MLB home run record in the process.
will he smell like a Rose on Broad Street?
As the season ends and the playoffs loom,
Let us pause a sec and make some room
In our doggerel feed for those athletes
Who’re hanging up mitts and jocks and cleats.
The Jints will miss ol’ Hunter Pence
Of flaming beard and glare intense.
After so many seasons, Bartolo Colon
Will finally get to shower alone.
Minnesotans, pray to your higher power
For another guy even close to Mauer.
Now David Wright, Mets’ grand old man,
Will have to watch them choke from the stands.
With the Angels’ collapse, Mike Scioscia
Might do well inspecting for OSHA.
Chase Utley being out of the game
Frees me from trying to rhyme his name.
And with no regrets, let’s bid adieu
And good riddance to Chief Wahoo.