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Happy Halladay

by David Bellel
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Happy Halladay, happy Halladay
While the homer balls keep soaring,
May your ev’ry wish come true.

Happy Halladay, happy Halladay
May the hitless Phils keep bringing
Happy Halladays to you.

Come To Halladay Inn.
If you’re burdened down with groin pulls
If your catchers are wearing thin
Park your load with the trainer
And come to Halladay Inn.

If the lack of bench affects you
Like a squeaky violin
Kick some Phillie butt and then strut
And come to Halladay Inn.
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You can keep up with David on his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism.

Posted 6/18/10

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27 Fish

By Stuart Shea
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27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.

Baiting his hook with sinkers
Sliders, heat, and curves,
Halladay set down every fish
And he betrayed no nerves.

27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.

Snaring every one
And tossing them in his boat,
Halladay did a good day’s work
And earned a right to gloat.

27 fish came up,
27 fish went down.

Hunter, Koufax, Robertson,
Bunning, Wells, Buehrle,
Halladay is now in
Interesting company.

27 fish came up.
27 fish went down.
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Posted 6/8/2010

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Philly Ball Park Guard and Taser

By Hart Seely

Hot beneath the raging sun,
Running in his cheap suit blazer,
Trigger-happy with his gun,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.

Rumbling like a rented van,
Aiming carefully his laser,
Firing on some hapless fan,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.

Creepo at the junior prom,
Sicko wielding rusted razor,
Castro with a nuclear bomb,
Philly ballpark guard – with taser.

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Posted 5/11/10

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To-Do List

By Ember Nickel
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There’s more than clocks that must be cleaned in spring:
Some clocks were cleaned, but we don’t need them here.
There’s new faces to meet, all who will bring
Something different to their team for this year.
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So say hello to Halladay. Don’t say
That Placido need be placid, though. Greet
Greenhorns around the leagues. Proudly call “hey”
To Justin Heyward and each star you meet.
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Try your best to keep up with Garrett Jones.
Welcome back Marcum. Spring’s glories fade fast
So soak it all in before it all drones
Into no more than murmurs of the past.
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Learn more of phenoms that you may have heard
Just briefly of. Say hi. Welcome a Byrd.

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Posted 4/21/2010

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National League East 2010 Haiku Forecasts

By Stuart  Shea

BRAVES
No Glavine. No Smoltz.
“Chipper” Jones no longer is.
Where has my youth gone?
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MARLINS
If a ball club plays
In an empty stadium
Does anyone hear?
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METS
A pleasant spring, but
No Reyes of sun for the Mets.
FBI? Thyroid?
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PHILLIES
Is this an old team?
Well, 18 of them were born
Before Reagan’s years.
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NATIONALS
As Strasbourg links France
and Germany, Steve Strasburg
spans Nats’ talent gap.

Posted 4/4/10