by Stephen Jones
What’s with the LA Dodgers?
Right now, they’re 12 and 17,
And 9 back of that “other” team.
While Arizona has all the numbers,
It seems LA’s gone bankrupt —
And nobody is stepping up.
They Lost Again
by Mark Donham
Lovullo came out of the dugout
The call he didn’t like
Pointed at Molina
Said the motherf***er stole the third strike
Molina overheard him
Did not appreciate the phrase
Charged him like a bull
Seeing red in rage
The benches emptied
It almost was a brawl
But the umpires ejected Lovullo
For arguing strikes and balls
The game settled down into normal
Could the fired-up Cards win?
They scored the first run, things looked good,
But alack and alas, lost again.
It’s early in the season
A long long way to go
Almost as much excitement
As the clowns in a rodeo.
Neil Diamond Gem
by James Finn Garner
I adore the playoffs
When the season’s on the line
Mistakes a bit more tragic
Nice plays near divine
Veterans get one last lap
And rookies get to shine
I only wish they hadn’t made me
Hate “Sweet Caroline”
Autumn’s New Retirees
by James Finn Garner
Before the Fall gets underway,
Let us doff our caps and say
Goodbye to those who’ll junk their cleats,
Leave the park and walk the streets.
Super-versatile Angel Chone
Will now be the utility man at home.
Grant Balfour, hothead Aussie,
Can only fume when his wife gets bossy.
Phil Humber’s vaunted perfect game
Was his sole stat worth noting (such a shame).
The Prince has trouble with his neck–
He’ll inspire no more fear on-deck.
Tex and A-Rod will leave the Yanks
And all their fans will mumble thanks,
While Raf Soriano has called an end
To tell war stories, a fine fireman.
But let’s not forget the other guys,
Young tyros once, with starry eyes,
Who gave their all but somehow missed
The general manager’s call-up list.
They’re just as key to the game as any
Adam LaRoche or Brad Penny.
Talent, drive and dreams they bid,
Just like us when we were kids.
National League West 2015 Spring Training Haiku
By Stuart Shea
Diamondbacks
One perfect lesson:
“Toughness” is no replacement
for smarts and talent
Rockies
The car will not go
if Car-Go cannot go for
more than half the trip
Dodgers
If Vin Scully calls
a game on SportsNet LA,
does anyone hear?
Padres
Best way to catch flies?
Simple. Put shit in your field!
Oh, wait…they’ve tried that
Giants
The World Champions
now go begging for alms to
replace their lost pence