Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
These are the saddest of possible words:
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.
Trio of dear ones to all baseball nerds,
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.
Clean-cutly playing our National Game,
Each one achieving attention and fame —
Long we’ll remember each one of their names:
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.
10 Teams Continue,
20 Teams Done.
Stories we have followed
Now consigned to history–
Into the pages of a book
That has been replaced by a web site.
Jose Abreu’s rookie season is over.
Corey Kluber’s ass-kicking year is over.
Phillip Hughes’ breakout is over.
Charlie Blackmon’s beard is over.
Kirk Gibson is VERY over.
But the damage done by Kevin Towers’ trades is just beginning.
Altuve’s wonderful year is over.
The Rangers’ long march of injuries is over…
But the Wash Era is also over.
Everth Cabrera’s honeymoon is over.
Marcus Stroman’s debut is over.
The painful Jay Bruce year is over.
Brock Holt Mania! is over.
Another King Felix masterwork is over.
Giancarlo’s monster season is over.
Jonathan Lucroy’s emergence is over.
The Braves’ painful swan dive is over.
Mesoraco’s breakout is over.
The struggles of Springer are over.
The weird Joe Mauer year is over.
Justin Smoak’s chance is over.
Another frustrating Rockies season is over.
The Chase Headley Padres are over.
The Papelbon crap is over,
But the Phillies’ country club continues.
The Frank Wren Era is over.
Colby Rasmus in Toronto is REALLY over.
Desmond Jennings’ honeymoon is over.
Heath Bell seems over.
The Cubs on WGN are over.
Bobby Abreu is over.
Josh Willingham is over.
Carlos Beltran sure looks over.
Can Kevin Gregg please be over?
Jason Giambi is finally over, right?
The 2013 World Champs are really over.
Is Ron Roenicke’s time over?
The Mets’ sexual harassment suit is NOT over.
Wrigley Field as we knew it is over.
Paul Konerko is over.
Derek Jeter is over.
20 Teams are over.
Now that he’s leading the Diamondbacks,
Tony LaRussa had better make tracks.
Get rid of the manager, GM, and crew,
Blow up the caravan and start something new.
Bring in some analysts, give fans a shock,
Keep Phoenix from fielding a laughing stock.
(There’s already enough in AZ for comedy–
Sheriff Joe, desert sprawl, gated communities.)
Not that I’m suggesting anything rash,
But Kirk and Kevin belong in the trash.
What a wonder!
This year it was in the Land Down Under.
Then again, it began.
Way out West came the first test.
Californians appear in the lead
Until the rest get up to speed.
DIAMONDBACKS
Now, the big question:
Will Trumbo survive the fall
From an angel to snake?
DODGERS
Possessing billions
Does not mean that a person
Knows what they’re doing.
GIANTS
The Freak must now prove
That he can effectively
Re-get his Freak on.
PADRES
Who will hang a star
On future great Padres plays
Now that Jerry’s gone?
ROCKIES
Will the Car Go boom?
Will Tulo’s stats be too low?
Will anyone care?