By Stuart Shea
One perfect lesson:
“Toughness” is no replacement
for smarts and talent
The car will not go
if Car-Go cannot go for
more than half the trip
If Vin Scully calls
a game on SportsNet LA,
does anyone hear?
Best way to catch flies?
Simple. Put shit in your field!
Oh, wait…they’ve tried that
The World Champions
now go begging for alms to
replace their lost pence
By Stuart Shea
10 Teams Continue,
20 Teams Done.
Stories we have followed
Now consigned to history–
Into the pages of a book
That has been replaced by a web site.
Jose Abreu’s rookie season is over.
Corey Kluber’s ass-kicking year is over.
Phillip Hughes’ breakout is over.
Charlie Blackmon’s beard is over.
Kirk Gibson is VERY over.
But the damage done by Kevin Towers’ trades is just beginning.
Altuve’s wonderful year is over.
The Rangers’ long march of injuries is over…
But the Wash Era is also over.
Everth Cabrera’s honeymoon is over.
Marcus Stroman’s debut is over.
The painful Jay Bruce year is over.
Brock Holt Mania! is over.
Another King Felix masterwork is over.
Giancarlo’s monster season is over.
Jonathan Lucroy’s emergence is over.
The Braves’ painful swan dive is over.
Mesoraco’s breakout is over.
The struggles of Springer are over.
The weird Joe Mauer year is over.
Justin Smoak’s chance is over.
Another frustrating Rockies season is over.
The Chase Headley Padres are over.
The Papelbon crap is over,
But the Phillies’ country club continues.
The Frank Wren Era is over.
Colby Rasmus in Toronto is REALLY over.
Desmond Jennings’ honeymoon is over.
Heath Bell seems over.
The Cubs on WGN are over.
Bobby Abreu is over.
Josh Willingham is over.
Carlos Beltran sure looks over.
Can Kevin Gregg please be over?
Jason Giambi is finally over, right?
The 2013 World Champs are really over.
Is Ron Roenicke’s time over?
The Mets’ sexual harassment suit is NOT over.
Wrigley Field as we knew it is over.
Paul Konerko is over.
Derek Jeter is over.
20 Teams are over.
by Hugh Briss
Must be throwing fits. He’s
The top vote-getter among NL jocks,
Yet plays for a bottom-feeder like the Rox.
Walks around touching
Each and every light switch
Cuz his OCD is just a bitch.
That’s a big favor to owe.
You’ll have to deliver, by gawd,
Before they uncover Chicago’s election fraud.
Needs a course in geography.
Instead of Minnesota,
He booked a flight to North Dakota.
Smooth move, eh?
Spend the week away from Houston,
Maybe get some fishing done.
by Michael X. Ferraro
With Kershaw slinging filthiness
and Scully narrating the scene,
The no-hit ingredients were
all in place at Chavez Ravine.
Fifteen Rockies went down on strikes
(one reaching by errant throw).
Rojas at third veered into left
to keep Clayton’s hit count to NO.
In the end, the lopsided box
score tells only a part of the tale
Of the night that 40,000
bellowed, while 9 could only flail.
by James Finn Garner
When I think of him
Looks like chaw and tar
And a grand har-har
To those squares
Who don’t care
And giving your all
For what you love.
And when push comes to shove,
Had Martinez been 70,
Zim would’ve pounded him plenty.
You’re our kind of guy.