Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Rich Hill
Took the pill
And struck out six
With his little soccer kick.
Kenta Maeda
Might want to look into ayurveda
A holistic theory of medicine
That might help him pitch more than two batters in.
Manny Machado
Is a no-hustle desperado
Even in the NLCS
He’ll prove he’s a dirty ess.
Cody Bellinger?
There’s no telling, sir,
Who will wear the hero’s coat
When the team is packed with so many goats.
Never expected they got more than asked for
Made evident now by the stand’s mighty roar,
And if this excitement is not enough
How ’bout a homer
By the pitcher Woodruff?
In L.A., fans experience sheer terror
As their team chalks up too many errors
How many pitchers will both teams require?
I’m sure of one thing,
Milwaukee’s on fire.
As the season ends and the playoffs loom,
Let us pause a sec and make some room
In our doggerel feed for those athletes
Who’re hanging up mitts and jocks and cleats.
The Jints will miss ol’ Hunter Pence
Of flaming beard and glare intense.
After so many seasons, Bartolo Colon
Will finally get to shower alone.
Minnesotans, pray to your higher power
For another guy even close to Mauer.
Now David Wright, Mets’ grand old man,
Will have to watch them choke from the stands.
With the Angels’ collapse, Mike Scioscia
Might do well inspecting for OSHA.
Chase Utley being out of the game
Frees me from trying to rhyme his name.
And with no regrets, let’s bid adieu
And good riddance to Chief Wahoo.
Postseason baseball
time for unlikely heroes
in the autumn chill
You have Brewers/Cubs
And you have Dodgers/Rockies
Season’s end extras