Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Tito Francona
Is a bona
Fide baseball Einstein.
We hope real soon he’ll be feeling fine.
Alex Wood
Pitches so good
He can play in-
Stead of the injured Clayton.
Jonathan Schoop
Is no dope–
For Miami, bought sunscreen
And some Word Search magazines.
Miguel Sano
Bit into a poblano
And let out a roar
Due to a cold sore.
An ardent and ballsy debater,
At arguing calls none was greater
His jowls had a fit
As he howled and he spit
A gnarly and balding old tater.
Edwin Jackson
Might have some action
Left in his fastball, batters fear,
‘Cuz Baltimore signed him
His “best” years behind him
His 12th team in 14 years.
Buck, it’s a mirage–
He can’t hit a garage,
Throws as straight as a cluster of starlings.
Looks like Duquette’s
Willing to forget
His results with the Cubs and the Marlins.
And the Tigers.
And the Padres.
And the Braves.
And the White Sox.
And the Dodgers.
And probably the Pilots.
What a way to celebrate
The 2nd time since 1908!
Everyone sings
Everyone dances
Everyone wonders
What were the Tinkers
To Evers to Chances
That the Cubbies
Would end their pennant-winning day
On a double play?
In a series with thrills ev’ry minute,
Ace Lester has kept the Cubs in it
But hold on to your seat
‘Cause they still have to beat
Either Hill or (gasp!) Kershaw to win it.