Dreadlocks in the Wind

by JHB

Goodbye, Manuel Aristides,
At times we all were far too cruel,
But you had the grace to point both hands
While smilin’ like a fool.
They disparaged you in the Herald,
Made innuendoes in the Globe.
They chased you all around the Hub,
Caught in flashbulbs like a strobe.

And it seems to me you lived your life
With your dreadlocks in the wind,
Steppin’ quickly in the Monster
Just to take a whiz,
And you would have been our hero,
But you were just a kid.
Your time here ran out long before
Your legend ever did.

Manny being Manny’s tough,
The toughest role you ever played,
But your bat made you a superstar,
And pain’s the price you paid.
Even when you left,
The press still had too much to say.
All that Boston.com would comment
Was that Manny didn’t want the trade.

And it seems to me you lived your life
With your dreadlocks in the wind,
Catchin’ flies and givin’ high-fives
Before you’d throw it in,
And you would have been our hero,
But you were just a kid,
Your time here ran out long before
Your legend ever did.

Goodbye, Manuel Aristides,
Though I never knew you at all,
You had the feel to play left field,
Fielding caroms off the Wall.
Goodbye, Manuel Aristides,
From the young boy in a Monster Seat,
Who saw you as something not so infantile,
Maybe what he would like to be,

And it seems to me you lived your life
With your dreadlocks in the wind,
If the role was just too much to bear,
It’s not as if you sinned,
And you would have been our hero,
But you were just a kid,
Your time here ran out long before,
Your legend ever did.

  Posted 9/10/08

Dodger Lament

By Stuart Shea

Being a Dodger used to mean something.
The blue, white and red,
An American team playing the game the right way.

Jackie, Newk, Campy, Junior Gilliam,
Duke Snider and Carl Furillo.
Drysdale and Sandy,
An integrated team in Brooklyn.

When did it start
To fall apart?
When O’Malley ripped out the borough’s heart
And took his business to California,
Greedy and mean,
Displacing locals living in the ravine?

My dad, a Dodgers fan since the 30s,
Watched his team go from Wills, Davis, and Fairly
To Bob Bailor and Jack Fimple–
It was almost that simple.

He swore off the team in 1985
When they brought up some gawky-looking flotsam pitcher named Tom Brennan
Who was just trying to survive.

He raised his leg like a flamingo
And fluttered junk toward the plate.
“That’s not a Dodger,” Dad said,
And he was right. The old team was dead.

There was Gibson’s homer in 1989,
A thrilling victory, a special time,
For a team that wasn’t very good,
But had magic and Orel.

Then Peter O’Malley sold the club to Fox,
Who treated the franchise like a TV show,
Jumping the shark with grumps like Gary Sheffield,
Raul Mondesi, Kevin Brown, Chan Ho Park,
Four managers in five years wandering in the dark
And winning no titles until Frank McCourt bought in.

Now, they’re just another team,
Trading their magic beans
For vets like Nomar, Andruw,
And the worst: Manny Being Manny.

What does it mean to be a Dodger
When a jaker and malcontent
Can wear the same colors as Jackie?
That’s not what his example meant.

Posted 8/27/08 

Madonna’s Greatest Baseball Hits

By Stuart Shea

I.
Matt Holliday,
Let’s celebrate.
Matt Holliday,
He can hit so nice.

II.
Borderline,
Looks like he’s going to lose his mind
If Jeff Kent keeps striking out
On balls on the borderline.

III.
Cub fans,
The only ones who understand,
They break our heart but we renew…
‘Cause true blue, baby, we love you.

IV.
Some teams chase me, some teams beg me
I think they’re OK,
But if they don’t give ten-year contracts,
I’ll just walk away

They can beg and they can plead
But they can’t make me sign (they whine)
That GM with cold hard cash
Will always bend his spine, he will because we’re

Living in a material game
And I have a material name
You know that we are living in a material game
And I have a material name.

Posted 4/6/08

2008 NATIONAL LEAGUE THREE-LINE PREVIEWS

By Stuart Shea

ATLANTA

Clean Living,
A Fast Outfield,
And a Chipper Jones.
(With apologies to Vernon “Lefty” Gomez)

ARIZONA

Upton can play,
And he’ll need to, no doubt,
If Eric Byrnes out.

CHICAGO

Sweet Lou wants it understood,
That the newbies—Pie, Soto, and Fukudome—will be good
(Knock on Wood).

CINCINNATI

Votto, Bruce, and Bailey make the Redlegs’ future bright.
But with Dusty in the drivers’ seat,
The Kids Aren’t Alright.

COLORADO

While the defending champs get little respect
And their city’s baseball pedigree is suspect
The Rockies are deep—and better than you’d expect.

FLORIDA

A rotation thinner than loose-leaf paper
And one, maybe two, good hitters to savor?
This could get Uggly.

HOUSTON

They need a Pitching ComeBacke.
A NewBourn Attack…
And Hot Towles!

LOS ANGELES

Many pitchers with questions,
Position player congestion–
By now, one hopes Joe Torre has a remedy for indigestion.

MILWAUKEE

Hardy-Harted Men,
Princes with Braun and wise Counsell,
Just need clean Sheets.

NEW YORK

Health to go with wealth.
Johan and Pedro (not Feliciano)
And, apparently, an Angel in the outfield.

PHILADELPHIA

Rollins, Howard, Utley, Burrell, and Feliz
Will give the Phillies plenty of pow.
But can they hit more homers than their pitchers allow?

PITTSBURGH

Steve will Pearce the outfield soon,
With Nady gone by June,
And Jason up on eBay.

ST. LOUIS

Such teams with little hope need luck,
Albert,
And divine intervention.

SAN DIEGO

An outfield and infield of maybes
Could make Padres’ pitchers sick,
But Buddy Black don’t give a Fick.

SAN FRANCISCO

So the post-Bonds era begins,
And no one expects many wins.
Thank God for the Garlic Fries.

A WASHINGTON HAIKU

Two fat first basemen
Could sink their park into the
Anacostia.

Posted 4/2/08