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Tommy’s Guarantee

by Tommy Lasorda

I have never, ever,
since I managed,
ever
told a pitcher to throw at anybody,
nor will I ever.

And if I ever did,
I certainly wouldn’t
make him throw
at a
f–king .130 hitter like Lefebvre
or f–king Bevacqua,
who couldn’t hit water
if he fell
out of a f–king boat.

And I guaran-f–king-tee you this:
When I pitched
and I was going to pitch against a team
that had guys on it
like Bevacqua,
I sent a f–king limousine
to get the c–ksucker
to make sure
he was in the motherf–king lineup
because I kicked that c–ksucker’s ass
any day of the week.

He’s a f–king motherf–king big mouth,
I’ll tell you that.

 

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The Last Brooklyn Dodger (January 9, 2021)

by Bill Cushing

Lasorda’s at his heavenly rendezvous,
his heart giving its final drop of blue.

He became a foul-mouthed savior
and then his team’s ambassador.

Still, before Brooklyn was a borough,
the team began by making heroes.

When Jackie broke the racial limit,
the Dodgers forced all sports to pivot.

Then, a Moses drove them to exile
by denying them space, and meanwhile

as Bridegrooms to the Yankees,
O’Malley packed up the team to leave.

Departing Brooklyn with a series ring,
they bid Tommy addio with the same thing.

A former New Yorker, Bill Cushing lives and writes in Los Angeles as a Dodger fan (by order of his wife!). His latest collection, Just a Little Cage of Bone (Southern Arizona Press), contains this and other sports-related poems.

 

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Brandon’s No Babe, But Shohei What!

by Dr. Rajesh C. Oza

What’s he doing out there
on the pitching mound?
He looks more like a bear
than a throwing hound.

Position players
say their prayers,
when the manager
says, “You’re my reliever.”

Babe Ruth began his career
with a pitch that hitters feared.
But when he traded in his ball,
His bat made him Bunyanesque tall.

When Brandon Crawford pitched
Batters were not bewitched.
He had an astronomical 27.00 ERA.
So what, he wasn’t even batting his weight.

Some say Triple Crown threat Shohei never shoulda
Pitched, even if imitate Cy Young he coulda.
But over a 162-game season,
Let’s have some fun with batting/pitching treason.

Dr. Oza’s novel Double Play sits at the intersection of Ernie Banks’ Cubs, the Negro Leagues, riding the El, wrongful convictions, immigration and friendship. It will be published in October 2024 by Chicago’s Third World Press.